Rome S02E10: De Patre Vostro (About Your Father) or The One Where Only One Person in this Entire Show Gets a Happy(ish) Ending

We just watched the last episode of the series. I wish the show could have gone for the entire five seasons as planned.

Okay, so this episode begins after the battle between Antony and Octavian. Antony has been beaten for the first time in his life. And he reflects that defeat isn’t quite as awful as he’d expected. He and Cleopatra hole up in the palace at Alexandria and it’s all opium and orgies all the time – at least until Octavian sends a messenger to tell Antony to surrender. There’s also a super secret message for Vorenus that he’ll be welcomed back to Rome if he leaves the palace gates unlocked for Octavian’s forces. Vorenus, loyal to a fault, takes a pass on the offer.

Antony challenges Octavian to single combat, but Octavian declines. He does, however,  send a super secret message to Cleopatra telling her that if she gives up Antony, she’ll retain her crown and her children will live. She pretends to commit suicide and Antony buys it. Grief-stricken, decides to commit suicide, too, and tells Vorenus to tell the people that he “died Roman”. He has Vorenus help him off himself and Vorenus cleans off all his makeup and henna, puts him back in his Roman armor, and props him up on the throne.

Cleopatra shows herself once she’s sure Antony is dead and weeps over him. She and Vorenus have it out – at least, a little bit, and he convinces her that Octavian might let her and her and Antony’s children live (to be paraded around the streets of Rome), but he’ll never let Caesarian live. I think Vorenus’ main motivation here is to save him because he’s Pullo’s son. She allows Vorenus to smuggle the boy out of the palace as Octavian and crew comes in to chat with her about the terms.

These two are like venomous scorpions, verbally circling one another looking for the best place to strike while lying their pants off and saying everything the other one wants to hear. Octavian sends Pullo after Vorenus and also charges him with killing Caesarian.

After Octavian leaves, Cleopatra knows that Vorenus was right and that suicide is pretty much her only option. She opts for the snake bite in the boob method and waits to die in the throne next to Antony.  

She gets to have the last word with Octavian. When he busts in, she says, “You have a rotten soul.” Which is pretty fucking harsh coming from Cleopatra. I also enjoyed how none of his friends defended him.

Octavian takes her and Antony’s children back to Rome and eventually dumps them off on Octavia who is super done with her brother’s bullshit. Octavian really seemed to enjoy telling Atia that Antony was dead. Like, I’m pretty sure he got off on it.

Pullo eventually finds Vorenus and Caesarian (who’s going by Anais, now) in the desert and they catch up. 

The next day, as they’re making their way through the desert, they’re stopped by one of Octavian’s patrols and they’re just about to make it through, but the kid gives them away. And there’s a fight. They kill all of Octavian’s men, but Vorenus is mortally wounded. And it’s horrible. He tells Pullo he wants to go home.

They finally make it back to Rome and at first, and somehow Vorenus has survived the journey across the sea. His children refuse to see him, at first, but finally, Vorena the Elder goes to his bedside. I’m not sure if it’s because she forgives him or if she feels bad for a dying man.

Meanwhile, preparations for Octavian’s Triumph are in full fucking swing. Octavia tries to cajole Atia into attending, but she’s having none of it. Livia is immediately a bitch about it, and just as Octavia is trying to smooth things over, Atia sweeps out and prepares to greet the crowd gathered for the triumph. Livia corrects her and says that as Octavian’s wife, she should go first.

Atia looks at her and says, (as only Atia can), “I know who you are. I can see you. You’re swearing now that someday you will destroy me. Remember: far better women than you have sworn to do the same. Go and look for them now.”

She turns and walks out in front of Livia as Octavian comes driving a chariot pulled by in white horses. Part of the procession includes Cleopatra and Antony’s bodies paraded through the streets while the people cheer.

Octavia and Agrippa exchanged a look during the Triumph, but I’m choosing to believe that Octavia won’t waste her time with him any more. You don’t get over someone just choosing your brother over you.

After the Triumph, Pullo goes to see Octavian to tell him that he killed Caesarian. He says that he’d taken the boy’s head as a trophy, but it went bad on the voyage back and he threw it overboard. He also tells Octavian that Vorenus didn’t survive his injuries. (However, I think he was entirely too cheerful about losing his only friend. I think that Vorenus did survive and Pullo was just protecting him.

After he leaves Octavian, Caesarian/Anais catches up with him and asks if Octavian believed everything. Then he begins ranting about how he’s going to destroy Octavian and avenge his father, etc. when Pullo says, “Listen…about your father…”

Perfect last line for the episode and the series. And as Jen promised me, only one person it this damn show gets a happy ending.

And now, the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

I really loved the last little bit when Pullo says, “About your father…” to Caesarian. I also adored Atia taking down Livia.

My least favorite part of the episode: 

Hmmmm…  pretty much any time Octavian and Livia opened their mouths.

Favorite costume:

I really love both of these dresses. Not crazy about that big old poof on top of Octavia’s head, though.

Team Atia or Team Servilia, and why:

Servillia’s curse is still in play, but watching Atia taking down Livia was a highpoint for me.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

This week’s best tweet has to go to Jen.

Guess Jess’s head canon:

Jess, I’m sure, was charmed by Pullo and Vorenus catching up around the fire. And I’m thinking that she, even more than me, is choosing to believe that Vorenus miraculously survived his wound and they’re going to live happily ever after, raising their children together.

What made Jenny super happy?

Oh, you know, Atia being Atia.       

 

Jess’ take on De Patre Vostro (About Your Father)

Jen’s take on De Patre Vostro (About Your Father)

 

Rome S02E09: Deus Impeditio Esuritori Nullus (No God Can Stop a Hungry Man) or The One Where Antony Looks Like a Washed Up Adam Ant

So, Marc Antony has settled in with Cleopatra, they’ve had a couple of kids together, he’s developed an impressive opium habit (as has Posca), he’s taken to wearing a lot of kohl, henna, and silks, and he’s busy impressing…intimidating…impressidating dignitaries from Rome by having a slave dress up in a deer skin and pretending to be a deer so he and Cleopatra can shoot at him. And Vorenus is clearly hating his time in Egypt, but since he’s loyal to a fault, he stays with Antony.

The Romans are there to negotiate for more grain because the people are starving. A&C agree to send it for triple the rate and some land, but I can’t remember which one. The negotiators agree. And then Antony says he wants Spain, too, in hopes of getting Octavian to declare war. The Roman’s can’t agree to that, so they leave empty handed.

Cleopatra’s oldest son, Caesarian, demands that Vorenus tell him about his father. And Vorenus complies, but it’s very clear that he’s telling the boy about Pullo (Caesarian’s actual father) as opposed to Caesar.

Pullo and Gaia are the picture of domestic bliss, well, as much domestic bliss as occurs in the Aventide, anyway. Particularly when you keep Memio in a cage in the dining room. (The guy who robbed the gold from the last episode.) Pullo has to calm the near-rioting, starving inhabitants and tells them they’ll get fed again tomorrow. He goes to Octavian for help, but Octavian doesn’t have food to spare, either.

He comes up with a plan to send Atia and Octavia to Antony in Egypt. He figures if Antony turns them away, Octavian can declare war with the full support of the Roman people (they’re very loyal to Antony, but that will change if Antony is seen to turn his back on Rome). Cleopatra wants to humiliate Atia, or, better yet, have her killed, but Antony refuses. He and Cleopatra end up having some pretty violent love/hate sex while Atia and Octavia wait outside the palace wilting in the hot sun. However, Jocasta comes out to see them, until Posca hurries her away.

Antony has Vorenus send Atia and Octavia back to Rome without seeing them and Jocasta and Posca decide to defect back to Rome and join them on their ship. Posca sneaks out Antony and Cleopatra’s last will and testament because proves treason against the Roman empire.

Octavian asks that Pullo come with him to fight Antony and asks him if it’ll be a problem since Vorenus is still loyal to Antony. Pullo says it won’t be. Octavian also drops the bomb that Caesarian (Pullo’s biological son) has to die, too.  Octavian has some very rough sex with his wife, Livia, but instead of slapping her around as we were led to expect, she’s the aggressor slapping and choking him. But he definitely seems to be enjoying it.

Back at Pullo’s, Memio has escaped the cage, he knocks out Pullo, and Gaia comes to his rescue, but Memio mortally wounds her before he’s killed. On her deathbed, Gaia confesses that she poisoned Eriene and killed her and the baby. Pullo chokes her to death and dumps her lifeless body in a pond.

And now, the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

I really liked Vorenus very sweetly telling Caesarian about his actual father. And I also enjoyed that he passed along Octavia’s message to Antony about being a coward.

 

My least favorite part of the episode: 

Pretty much the whole Gaia storyline.

Favorite costume:

There were a ton of great costumes in this episode. I also really liked Octavia’s even though I’m not a pink person. And also Jocasta’s. It was cute and and looked comfy. But this color combo is so stunning.

Team Atia or Team Servilia, and why:

Since Servillia is still dead, I guess Atia. But Servilla’s curse is still picking up speed.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

This week’s best tweet has to go to Lauren Billingsley (@Noisy_ninja)

Guess Jess’s head canon:

Well, Vorenus and Pullo had no scenes together this week, but I firmly believe that in her head they’re longing for each other.

What made Jenny super happy?

The fact that Octavian and Livia’s super slappy sexy times was in a red room ala the red room of pain in Fifty Shades of Awful Grey.       

 

Jess’ take on Deus Impeditio Esuritori Nullus (No God Can Stop a Hungry Man).

Jen’s take on Deus Impeditio Esuritori Nullus (No God Can Stop a Hungry Man).

Rome S02E08: A Necessary Fiction or The One Where The Julii are the Very Model of a Wildly Dysfunctional Family

I can’t even with this show, you guys.

Octavian has put out the call to his flunkies to find him a wife. I think there were the usual provisos: noble family, attractive, and my personal favorite, proven fertility. The chick his boy found for him meets all these criteria. Too bad she’s all kinds of married. But, as her mother assures Octavian, her daughter is quite willing to divorce her husband to marry the leader of the Roman empire. Octavian tells Livia (his new wife) that he’ll probably beat her – not because she’s done anything wrong, but because he gets off on it. She seems fairly unfazed by that announcement.

Octavian’s weasally friend plots with Posca to steal the gold Herod is sending to Rome. Vorenus has been put in charge of providing safety for a shipment of gold coming. He puts Pullo in charge, but Gaia’s evil plan worked. She gave Eriene the Willow tea laced with the abortifacient and Eriene went into labor and delivered her son far too early for him to have survived. And while Pullo doesn’t want to believe his wife is dying, Eriene knows she’s bleeding out and makes him promise to bury her rather than burn her body.

Pullo is devastated and Vorenus sends his third man and crew to protect the gold. They are, predictably, robbed and only two guys are left alive. The weasally guy thinks that Posca and Antony have betrayed him, so he retaliates by telling Octavian that Antony is still banging Atia (Octavian’s mother) and Octavia is having all the sex with Octavian’s buddy, Agrippa, instead of with her husband, Antony.

Meanwhile, Vorenus is trying to track down the missing gold. He’s pretty damn sure he knows who took it. (His rival whose name starts with an “M” – the one who’s having his thug seduce Vorena the Elder. And “M” pretty much alludes to his guilt, too. But Vorenus has no proof. Until he figures out that Vorena the Elder sold him out, and he nearly chokes her to death in front of his other two children. (Not winning Father of the Year, here, Vorenus.

Octavian is piiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssseed about all the fucking around. And, after surprising them with his wife, has a family smackdown where he berates his sister, mother, and Antony. He has Octavia and Atia locked up in their home and sends Antony off to Egypt. Antony goes to Atia and swears that he’ll send for her as soon as he’s able. And Agrippa sneaks into the villa to break it off with Octavia. In the end his loyalty to Octavian is more important than his relationship with Octavia. She reveals that she’s pregnant and doesn’t know if it’s his child or Antony’s but says that they both suck.

Vorenus, ever the soldier, decides to go off to Egypt with Antony and basically hugs Pullo goodbye, leaving him in charge of the Aventine and the kids. Pullo and “M” agree to have a parley about the missing gold and whatnot, and at the last minute, Pullo attacks and bites out this dude’s fucking tongue. Then he kills him and Pullo’s men attack “M”‘s men.

Antony arrives in Egypt, takes one look at Cleopatra and immediately forgets about sending for Atia.

And now, the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

I really love that Atia snuck Agrippa in for Octavia. And I think she did it to be kind. It didn’t turn out great for Octavia. And I love her parting shot at Agrippa.

Octavia:  Oh, by the way, I’m having a baby.

Agrippa: Who is the father?

Octavia: Who knows? Neither man is worth a brass obol, So what matter?

My least favorite part of the episode: 

OhMyGod. Eriene dying. I ugly cried.  Also, Vorenus choking Vorena the Elder.

Favorite costume:

I’m going to give it to Cleopatra this week. Mostly because I’m jealous that I will never be able to wear a dress like this. Never.

Team Atia or Team Servilia, and why:

Welp, Atia is the only one left. And TBH, I kinda feel a little bad for Atia.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

So many good ones this week.

 

Guess Jess’s head canon:

I think she was really moved by Vorenus worrying about Pullo and of course their goodbye.

What made Jenny super happy?

This is a tough one this week. I’m going to go with this:

Jess’ take on A Necessary Fiction.

Jen’s take on A Necessary Fiction.

Rome S02E07: Death Mask or The One Where Rome Seems Like a Terrible Place to Get Married

Things are getting even worse in Rome.

Octavian, Antony, and that other dude whose name I can never remember divide up the Roman Empire between them. And Antony accepts a giant gift (read: bribe) from Herod.

Posca, Caesar’s former slave is pissed when he doesn’t get a share, so he rats out Antony to Octavian who demands they share the money equally. Oh, and speaking of Posca, Atia marries off poor traumatized Jocasta to him.

Meanwhile, Servillia is deeply grieving the death of her son Brutus. She’s nearly inconsolable. She takes up position on her knees outside Atia’s house and while her servant sprinkles her with ashes, endlessly repeats, “Atia of the Julii, I call for justice.” Seriously, she’s out there for days doing this driving Atia utterly batshit, until Antony finally tells Atia that Servillia will likely go away after Atia responds to her and gives her some attention. So Atia and Octavia open the door to see that a crowd has gathered.

As soon as Atia acknowledges Servillia curses her to a life of abject misery for the rest of her days and then does this to seal the curse.

As soon as Servillia is dead, her servant pulls the blade out of her and follows suit leaving the crowd gasping and seemingly blaming against Atia.

And it’s apparently wedding season in Rome, because despite the bloodshed outside her door, Atia is planning her nuptials to Antony. Only…her son and ruler has other ideas. He marries off his sister, Octavia, to Antony instead. I think it was for multiple reasons. 1.) he figures Octavia will be easier to control than Atia. 2.) to get back at his mother for choosing/siding with Antony over him. 3.) It’s a better political union as far as the people of Rome are concerned. And maaaaaybe some oedipal issues on Octavian’s part? He was watching Antony and Atia having some pretty intense sex one night…

But anyway, Atia is furious and hurt. Octavia is horrified especially since she’s in love with Agrippa.

And she’s subjected to some pretty dismal consummation sex.

And to continue the sex theme, Vorena the Elder is carrying on with that super skeezy guy who’s an employee of one of the gang leaders Vorenus oversees on the Aventide. And it’s a setup, of course. The gang leader busts in on them while they’re in bed, and says that he owes it to Vorenus to tell him what his daughter is doing. She begs him not to tell and he says he’ll consider it if she helps him out. So basically, he’s setting her up to spy on her father. Spoiler alert: she’s not very good at it.

Then there’s the whole Pullo/Eriene/Gaia thing. Eriene’s turning Pullo down for sex because her people believe that once the baby starts moving, sex is bad for the baby.

Gaia and Eriene still hate each other and almost throw down in the marketplace and Eriene tells Pullo to beat Gaia. Pullo talks to Vorenus about it, and he agrees that Pullo should beat her.

So, Pullo goes to beat her and she taunts him and they end up having really rough kind of rapey sex. Gaia clearly wants him and has come on to him before, but his intent seems to be more about power and punishment. At least, initially. That scene is super fucked up. The very last scene is of Gaia buying some sort of herbal abortifacient and it’s clear it’s not for her.

And now, the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

Okay, so I’m a horrible person and despite the fuckedupness of that situation, the Gaia and Pullo scene was pretty damn hot.

My least favorite part of the episode: 

So. Damn. Many. See also: the above mentioned scene. Vorena the Elder with the skeezy guy. Octavia having to marry Antony.

Favorite costume:

There were a lot of great costumes in this episode, but I really like Eriene’s blue number – particularly with the fancy hair/scarf combo.

Team Atia or Team Servilia, and why:

Team Servilia! Way to get the last word.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

Guess Jess’s head canon:

 

My guess is that she thinks Pullo went to Vorenus for more than marital and slave advice.

What made Jenny super happy?

The thought of tormenting me. o.O

Jess’ take on Death Mask.

Jen’s take on Death Mask.

Rome S02E06: Philippi or The One Where Titus Pullo is the Most Polite Hitman Ever

Content Warning: Rape (again)

Rome is getting rough, you guys, and I have serious concerns for (and about) these people!

Okay, so everyone is preparing for war. Brutus and Cassius and their 14 legions are headed to try to wrest Rome back from Octavian while Octavian and Antony are trying to figure out the best way to fuck over Brutus and Cassius. That way, is of course, by killing off any supporters they have in Rome. Atia volunteers a name for the list, and Octavian tells her it can’t be Servillia because he won’t kill women. But instead, Atia gives him the name of Jocasta’s father, saying he’s very wealthy and Octavian can use the money for his army. So, Octavian adds the name to his list.

Timon and his annoying brother are in the synagogue and while there instigate an all out brawl then escape the chaos giggling.

All the names of people who are on Octavian’s list get sent to Vorenus at the Aventine and he divides the names up between all of his gang leaders and tells them they can keep whatever they can carry. Or they can toss their money in the pot and help feed the poor. The gang leaders protest, obviously. But Vorenus gives an impassioned speech and points out that in order for them to survive, they need to change with the times. One of the thugs speaks for the others and they eventually agree to help feed the people.  However, that same thug (sorry, no clue about his man) orders one of his skeezy underlings to woo Vorena the Elder. (Seriously, this poor kid…)  Oh yeah, and Gaia is clearly trying to seduce Pullo away from Eriene. It’s not working though.

Everyone goes on a murder spree and Pullo and Vorenus incorporate their list into a family picnic in the country. Because nothing says idyllic family togetherness like one of the picnic party wandering off to fulfill his hit-list. While Pullo rides off to murder Cicero, Vorenus, the kids, his sister-in-law Lyde and Eriene frolic in a lovely pastoral scene and Lyde tries to convince Vorenus that they should find a nice man for Vorena the Elder to marry, and Vorenus insists that no decent man will have her since she was a prostitute. Yeah, dad…just keep bringing that up, why don’t you?

A spy in Antony’s camp has gotten word to Cicero about what Antony and Octavian have planned and Cicero knows his time is about up. He quickly writes a letter to Brutus and sends it off with a messenger. Meanwhile, Pullo strolls up and they have a perfectly pleasant conversation about how he needs to murder Cicero. And Cicero asks for a few moments to pull himself together while Pullo admires his peach tree and asks if he can bring some of the fruit back to his wife. Cicero is like “yeah, do what you want”. Cicero says goodbye to his slave who’s freaking out and tells him that in his will he’s freed him and asks him to take care of his people.

When Cicero indicates that he’s ready, Pullo, his bag full of murder peaches, gently tells him that it’ll be easier if he kneels, so he does. Pullo tells Cicero’s slave that it would be better if he didn’t watch, then executes Cicero.

Meanwhile, Cicero’s messenger nearly runs down Lucius who’s playing in the road. The messenger and Vorenus get into it and he loses his letter but he doesn’t notice and Lyde scolds Vorenus and tells him not to beat the guy in front of the children. After the messenger leaves, Pullo returns with peaches for all.

Meanwhile, Octavia and Agrippa have a painfully awkward conversation and share a first kiss. Shortly after, they end up in bed together. They don’t have long because he has to leave to go fight against Brutus. Atia is all good job getting you some of that, but don’t think it’s going anywhere, and Octavia defiantly declares her love for him. And Atia clearly wonders how she ended up with what she considers to be such stupid child.

There’s screaming and a commotion at the door and Jocasta (remember her?) crawls inside–beaten and bloody. Octavia is horrified and asks what happened and Jocasta tells her that men came to her home and murdered all of her family and raped her. Atia watches fairly impassively, and when Octavia tells her that they’ll take care of Jocasta and looks to Atia to agree, she does. But it’s not terribly convincing.

Pullo is a sad panda about not going off to war because he feels a soldier is all he’s any good at. And his wife tells him she’s pregnant.

The armies meet in Greece – Phillippi. Brutus and Cassius are outnumbered 19 – 14 legions. Cassius wants to retreat, but Brutus isn’t having it. He wishes Cassius a happy birthday and promises him cake next year. And then, it’s time to kill people. So both armies battle and it’s awful and hoards of people die. And Cassius is mortally wounded. Brutus is absolutely gutted as his best friend dies in his arms.

Brutus’ officers try to convince him to make a run for it. But he refuses. Knowing there’s little else left for him to do, Brutus strips off his armor and walks into the midst of the opposing army and starts attacking – visually echoing Caesar’s murder.

 

And now, the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

Despite the whole murder for hire aspect, I really did enjoy the exchange between Pullo and Cicero.

Oh, but my absolute favorite part has to be Atia’s insult during her utter amazement about what she perceives as Octavia’s stupidity. She looks at her daughter, half shakes her head and murmurs, “Soft as cheese.” (I plan to make use of this on the regular.)

My least favorite part of the episode: 

Definitely poor, traumatized Jocasta. Atia totally knew what would happen to her when she suggested that they kill her father.  Oh, and that skeevyass man activley flirting with Vorena the Elder – a child.

Favorite costume:

Octavia gets it this week. In fact, I like this style so much, I’m gonna make one for myself this summer. Now, it won’t look like this on me because I’m neither tall nor willowy, but I have no fucks to give about that. That dress looks super comfy and the neckline is great, so bring on the pintucks. (Even if it means I have to haul out the iron.)

Team Atia or Team Servilia, and why:

I don’t actually remember seeing Servilia in this episode, but omg fuck Atia!

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

Guess Jess’s head canon:

She’s just convinced that her boys will eventually be happy together.

 

What made Jenny super happy?

In this episode, I don’t feel like there was a lot she really enjoyed, unless it was the fact that her giant HD TV made things exceptionally clear.

Jess’ take on Phillippi. (Jess is spending some quality time in the ER getting her hand stitched up, so her post will be up later.)

Jen’s take on Phillippi.

 

Rome S02E05: Heroes of the Republic or The One Where Vorenus Needs to Learn Some Serious Parenting Skills. But NOT from Atia.

Okay, so Octavian’s army beat Antony’s and now Octavian heads to Cicero and demands a Triumph. Cicero is like “Nah…” so Octavian is like “Fine, then appoint me as the consul. I promise to listen to all your super worldly advice.” You can practically see him making “innocent eyes” at Cicero. Cicero is like, “Fine, but as long as you behave.” One of Cicero’s pals is all, “Seriously? This seems like a terrible idea.” But Cicero basically says, “He’s a child. What’s he gonna do?”

Here’s a pro tip, Cicero: Never ever ask that question. Because you will find out.

Meanwhile, Pullo and Vorenus are headed back to Rome with the rescued kids. And Vorena the Elder looks like she wants to make a break for it at one point, but the the littles talk her out of it. Afterall, they’re surrounded by Roman soldiers.

Pullo doesn’t want Vorenus to take the kids back to the brothel, because he actually has some fucking common sense unlike the children’s father. Instead, Vorenus says that he has to go back to the Aventide because he hasn’t received orders to the contrary. And Gabe, one of our regular #LegionVIII members said:

Which I misread as Lawful Good alignment, but really, it’s pretty much the same damn thing when you’re stuck with that person in your party.

So Vorenus marches them inside and introduces them as his daughter who was prostituted and his wife’s bastard son. Then tells everyone that they have to treat the kids with respect, or else. Oh, and? Once he shows the kids to their room, he tells them that they’ll never never speak of the past again. Right. Ignore it, and everything’ll be fine.

Pullo’s wife Eriene is pissed because Pullo loves Vorenus more than he loves her. He tries to convince her otherwise, but neither Eriene, nor the audience buys it.

Pullo and Vorenus broker a new peace in the Aventide to buy time for the two of them to rebuild their forces. And Gaia finally gets Vorenus to have sex with her, but he almost violently insists on paying her. Gaia is not pleased.

Vorena the Elder and the Younger have been regularly stealing money from the brothel. Not a ton – just a handful here and there to fund their escape. They’re convinced that Vorenus is evil, and they want to be as far away from him as possible. They leave one day and stop by the place where Lyde, their aunt, has taken vows to a goddess (not sure which one) and she talks them into going back to their father’s place and biding their time and pretending like everything is awesome.

Octavia goes to pay her respects to Octavian and suggest that Atia do the same. But Atia insists that Octavian should come to him. Atia does eventually have a change of heart and goes to Octavian, but it’s only to make manipulating him easier.

Octavia and Jocasta are at an orgy getting high as fuck and Agrippa, who’s set himself up as the morality police, leaves said orgy, spots Octavia on the way out and kidnaps her to bring her home to her mother. He also admits to Atia that he’s in love with Octavia. I can only assume that Atia will use this info in some horrific way – doing what she does best and destroying lives.

Oh yeah, and Octavian after he’s sworn in as consul, declares Brutus and Brutus’ buddy whose name I can never remember enemies of the state. Cicero warns against it saying it’ll divide the senate and that Brutus and that other dude have 20 legions at their disposal and they’ll march on Rome and destroy Octavian. In the meanwhile, Cicero quick dashes off a letter to Brutus and dude friend, calling them the Heroes of the Republic and invites them back to Rome. Servillia also writes a letter to Brutus, telling him to come home and sends his father’s ring.

So while Octavian, Agrippa, and that super skeezy friend of theirs are woe-is-me-ing over Brutus’ army and their certain demise, Atia shows up. Next time we see her, she’s riding sidesaddle into Antony’s camp looking regal as fuck. She and Antony have sexy times and he’s marveling that Atia came all that way alone. And she’s like, “Ha. So not alone.” He goes outside and sees Octavian’s legion and he and Octavian embrace like Antony never stole his money or tried to beat him to death, and just like that, they’re allies.

 

And now, the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

I’m torn between Eriene calling Pullo out on loving Vorenus more than her and Agrippa impotently threatening Atia because of the way she speaks to Octavia.

My least favorite part of the episode: 

Probably Vorenus announcing that Vorena the Elder had been prostituted and also the way she was the only one who got smeared with chicken blood when the kids were blessed or whatever the hell was going on there.

Favorite costume:

Vorena the Younger’s stealing from the brothel outfit.

 

Team Atia or Team Servilia, and why:

Oh, Atia was on her game this episode – just pure manipulative Atia – doing what she does best.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

Guess Jess’s head canon:

Easy enough – Pullo really does love Vorenus more than Eriene.

What made Jenny super happy?

 

Jess’ take on The Heroes of the Republic.

Jen’s take on The Heroes of the Republic.

 

Rome S02E04: Testudo et Lepus (The Tortoise and the Hare) or The One Where Atia and Servilia Continue to Vie for the Title of Literal Worst

Content Warning: Rape and Extreme Violence

Okay, so last week, the episode closed with Atia’s kitchen servant carrying a big ol tureen of poison stew to the dining room. But in this episode, we see that the servant sneaks a taste. Once, she’s served the stew to Atia, Atia decides that what she’d really like is an impromptu concert performed by said servant. She begins singing but clearly isn’t feeling the greatest, and when the blood starts trickling from her mouth and she collapses, they realize that someone was trying to poison Atia, and they see that sneaky new serving boy making a run for it.

They capture him, of course, and he gives up Servillia right away, but I guess that’s not a legal confession from a slave unless torture is involved? (Oh, you silly Romans…) so Timon tortures the fuck out of this kid while Octavia and Jocasta stop by, and Jocasta pukes in the hallway. After the torture times,  Timon kills the kid, dumping his body in the sewer. He goes home to see the family still covered with blood to find out that his houseguest brother is totally usurping his position with his kids.

Next Atia has Servillia kidnapped and brought to her super cool torture room, and Timon works her over, too, flogging the crap out of her. Servillia is defiant until the end and spits in Atia’s face. Atia screams at Timon to torture her harder and Timon has finally had enough of her shit and cuts Servillia down and sets her free. Pretty sure he handed in his resignation at that point, too.

Meanwhile, Pullo has come upon all kinds of dead soldiers and is frantically searching the battlefield for Vorenus when Octavian/Caesar (now played by this guy) comes upon him.

He explains what he’s doing, and Octavian, of course helps him, points him in the right direction to find Marc Antony’s retreating troops and gives him his seal in case anyone tries to stop him. Octavian then gives a rousing speech to his troops and sends Agrippa off to Rome with a message for Octavia and Atia to let them know that he beat Antony.

Agrippa delivers the message and also tries to clue Octavia in to his deep and abiding, hopeless (I assume, because no one gets what they want on this show) love for her, and  she delivers an epic brushoff. 

Pullo finds Vorenus and gives him the news about his kids and Vorenus, ever the perfect legionnaire, asks Antony’s permission to leave the army to find his kids. Pullo and Vorenus, together again, repair their friendship on the way to save the children, and Pullo counsels Vorenus about the horrors of a slave camp (he was born into one) and warns him that these won’t be the same children he remembers. Pullo also urges him to save Niobe’s son along with his daughters.

The camp is an unbelievably horrific place, and Pullo insists that he be the one to do the talking. He spins a completely legit sounding story about needing to retrieve three runaway slaves for Caesar and has the seal to prove it. Against his better judgment, the slaver allows them to search the shack where the very young and the very old are kept.

A very emotional Vorenus finds Vorena the Younger and hugs her. Then he sees Lucius, who looks like he’s going to run, but Vorenus has had a charge of heart and hugs him, too.

He’s very upset when he can’t find Vorena the Elder, and the slaver has caught on at this point that the kids aren’t runaway slaves, but a short sword at his back convinces him to quietly lead them to Vorena the Elder where they discover that she’s been forced into life as a sex slave.

Vorenus is gutted. They rescue her and kill the slaver.

And now, the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

This episode was fucking rough. I’m going to have to go with Jocasta puking during the torture of the slave and Octavia’s skillful brush off of Agrippa.

My least favorite part of the episode: 

Pretty much the rest of it. The torture was bad, but the stuff with the kids. Fucking awful.

Favorite costume:

Octavia’s Agrippa brush off number. So pretty!

 

Team Atia or Team Servilia, and why:

Neither. But this tweet by Jen sums it up, nicely.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

 

 

Guess Jess’s head canon:

Pullo and Vorenus have mended their friendship which can only lead to sexy times as far as the Admiral of the Jarmada is concerned.

What made Jenny super happy?

 

Jess’ take on Testudo et Lepus (The Tortoise and the Hare).

Jen’s take on Testudo et Lepus (The Tortoise and the Hare).

Rome S02E03: These Being the Words of Marcus Tillius Cicero or The One Where Marc Antony Shows He’s an Awesome Houseguest by Pissing in a Potted Plant

Content Warning: Sexual Assault, Multilation

This is going to be a real quick rundown because it’s the morning this post goes live, and I have a metric fuckton of client edits on my plate and a book of my own that needs finishing, so quick and dirty – not unlike Rome, itself.

Things are continuing to spiral horribly out of control. I feel like I’m watching a train wreck now, and that nothing good will ever happen for any of these people ever again.

Vorenus, who’s now completely hardened and embittered, is still having nightmares about Niobe dying and ruling the Aventine like a proper son of Hades and he’s got no patience for one of the captains who comes in to bitch about a guy who paid his nephew for oral sex. Vorenus is like…the kid was paid, so no harm, no foul. Pullo thinks it’s a problem and contradicts him in front of the other thugs and Vorenus is furious with him for undermining his authority. A short while later, the man who paid the thug’s nephew for a blow job is brought to Vorenus, bleeding heavily, just having been castrated by the thug’s crew, and his wife demands retribution.

Vorenus is not pleased and tells Pullo to disrespect that guy as he’s disrespected Vorenus, but Pullo refuses because he’s afraid of starting a gang war in the Aventine, so Vorenus sends someone else. Vorenus and Pullo argue about it and Pullo is begging for Vorenus to trust him after all the times he’s saved him and he let’s it slip that he killed Evander on Vorenus’ behalf and Vorenus loses his damn mind because Pullo knew that Niobe had been having an affair and didn’t tell him. They fight and Pullo leaves.

Octavia is hanging out and smoking weed with her new friend, Jocasta (anyone know if this is meant to be Oedipus’ mother/wife?), and Atia’s annoyed that they’re doing it in the house. (Things really do stay the same!) And while Atia joins them, Jocasta bitches about how ghastly Macedonia is and Atia later tells Antony that Macedonia is the literal worst and tells him that if they’re all the way out there Antony will lose his power.

Antony says he he just wants to live in peace, but this doesn’t stop him from visiting Cicero and demanding that he gets appointed to Gaul instead, whilst being a super special houseguest and pissing in Cicero’s potted plant. Oh, and he also threatens to pour molten gold down Cicero’s throat if he doesn’t get Gaul.

Brutus and Cassius are in a foreign country trying to raise an army to take back Rome. Brutus is drunk and bitter and things are not working out at all like he’d planned. The next day, he comes to either a river or a lake, strips off and wanders into the water and prays and appears to be ritually cleansing/baptising himself, but maybe he’s just still drunk. Not really sure there.

Octavia is hanging out, playing the lyre, like you so when you’re bored nobility in Rome and a visitor to the house is clearly quite smitten with her. The visitor, Agrippa, is Octavian’s friend and brings a message from Octavian. Octavia is equally smitten with him. Agrippa delivers his message, chats a bit with Octavia and Atia is rude to him as usual then sends a messenger to tell Antony the enemy is in town and he should probably kill him.

Back at the Aventine, the thug who castrated the the one guy is raped under the orders of Vorenus. Pullo goes to the brothel to apologize to Vorenus and they find the rapist dead in Vorenus’ office. Pullo asks for forgiveness and Vorenus accuses him of having an affair with Niobe, too. Pullo denies it, Vorenus doesn’t believe him, they have the mother of all fights and end up crashing through Vorenus’ office wall and into the brothel below. Finally, Pullo is like “fuck it, I’m out” and leaves Vorenus bleeding and crying on the floor and Pullo and Eriene leave Rome.

One of Atia’s servants, Durro? Duro? shows up at Servilia’s place and Servilia wants to know why the hell Atia is still alive. So apparently, he’s an assassin. He says he could do it quicker if he could kill Octavia, too, but Servilia won’t let him do that. He demands more money because the job is taking longer, and he also demands a kiss from Servilia.

Lyde (Niobe’s sister) and Vorenus’ kids are miserable and locked in a dark room – or maybe it’s just the slave wagon, still. It was pretty dark. Anyway, Lyde escapes, but isn’t able to take the children with her and runs off into the night.

At the Senate, Antony is anticipating hearing that he’s been appointed to Gaul, but Cicero is absent and has some other dude read his message aloud to Antony in front of the Senate. It’s clear that this guy didn’t read the note before hand. If I had, I can only assume he would have declined and left the country. Basically, Cicero rips Antony a new one, and as other Senate members start filing out, Antony is becoming more enraged by the second and eventually kills the messenger with the scroll on a stick thing. There’s a cut to Cicero who’s in a litter on his way out of Rome and is dictating an Antony-related message to his slave/assistant.

After three months away, Pullo and Eriene return to Rome to find the Aventine pretty much destroyed. He’s returned to try to make amends to Vorenus only to find that he’s joined Marc Antony’s army (again) and is off waging war somewhere. While he tries to figure out what to do next, Lyde comes running up to him and tells him the kids are still alive and we next see him galloping down the road at breakneck speed, presumably to rescue the children.

Back at Atia’s, the assassin is in the kitchen and adding poison to the stew while the kitchen slave is attempting to serve Atia something that she doesn’t want. When she returns, the assassin helps ladle out the soup into a tureen, and the last shot of the episode is the servant carrying the tureen out to the dining room.

And now, the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

Hmm…probably Antony pissing in the plant and also the look on his face as that dude read the scathing letter to him.

My least favorite part of the episode: 

So many things not to like, sexual assault, mutilation, Vorenus truly believing Pullo had slept with his wife…

Favorite costume:

Servilia’s green dress. But really, there were a lot of great dresses in this ep.

 

Team Atia or Team Servilia, and why:

Boy…I don’t even know. There’s part of me that’s feeling a little bad for Atia. She’s lost her son, she’s lost her power…I mean, she’s still just awful, but shit’s crumbling. And props to Servilia for attempting to take out her arch nemesis.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

There are a couple tonight.

This:

And in response to my question, Dylan’s tweet:

And this made me snort:

Guess Jess’s head canon:

Pullo returns for true love.

 

What made Jenny super happy?

Good, old fashioned, Roman weed.

 

Jess’ take on These Being the Words of Marcus Tillius Cicero.

Jen’s take on These Being the Words of Marcus Tillius Cicero.

 

 

 

Rome S02E02: Son of Hades or The One Where Vorenus Finds Meaning in Life Running a Brothel and Intimidating Lesser Men

The Aventine has gone to hell. Everyone is robbing everyone and beating the shit out of everyone and Vorenus is sitting in his bed staring at Erastes decaying head and grieving Niobe and the kids while Titus and Eriene take care of him.

Marc Antony is getting ready for Cleopatra’s arrival, listening to Atia complain, dodging every single question Octavian asks about his inheritance from Caesar, and being forced to deal with the complaints of Roman citizens.

Cleopatra shows up and brilliantly throws shade by claiming that she doesn’t remember meeting Marc Antony. She’s there to negotiate Roman protection in exchange for grain and to insist that her son publically claimed as Caesar’s and Antony apparently tries to trade sex for the paternity claim and Cleopatra slaps him. As she’s leaving she recognizes Pullo (who’s likely the actual father of her son) in the crowd.

Pullo is waiting to speak with Antony about helping Vorenus, and Antony goes to Vorenus’ place to tell him to shape the fuck up. After berating Vorenus, Antony puts him in charge of getting the Aventine under control.

Atia has yet another party where she’s clearly planning to have Servillia killed, but Octavian thwarts those plans by threatening to tell Antony, so Atia has to cancel her plan. Cleopatra and entourage shows up, Cleo opening flirts with Antony in front of Atia, and Atia wants her dead – as usual.

Vorenus calls a meeting of the crime lords fucking up the Aventine and while they’re under some sort of truce under the patron goddess of thieving, murdering rapists, he smashes her statue and declares himself the Son of Hades and intimidates them all into behaving themselves. Pullo’s worried that Vorenus is going to piss off the gods, but Vorenus figures they’ve already done their worst by taking his wife and kids. This is a man who has zero fucks to give.

Octavian demands his share of the inheritance to appease common people and when he doesn’t get it, borrows money from a money lender and Atia and Antony lose their damn minds and Antony beats the shit out of Octavian.

Timon, Atia’s faithful servant, discovers that his zealot brother Levi has left Jerusalem to stay with Timon and his wife and children.

Later, Octavian leaves to stay with his friend Agrippa and leaves Atia a I’m-running-away-from-home note. On his way out of town, they pass slavers, and in one of the wagons are Vorenus’ children – miserable, but very much alive.

And now, the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

I did rather enjoy Vorenus going off on the thugs. I enjoyed that a lot.

My least favorite part of the episode: 

Seeing the kids in the slave wagon.

Favorite costume:

I can never find a decent picture of what I want, but I wish I was smaller chested so I could wear stuff like this in the summer.

 

Team Atia or Team Servillia, and why:

Atia is still the literal worst at momming, but it was pretty ballsy of her to threaten a queen.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

Guess Jess’s head canon:

More of Pullo looking after Vorenus. I think she particularly enjoyed this bit.

What made Jenny super happy?

Octavia coming into her own.

Jess’ take on Son of Hades.

Jen’s take on Son of Hades.

 

Rome S02E01: Passover or The One Where the Jarmada Continues Sailing on Stormy Slashy Seas

Welp, Season Two started with a bang and I feel fairly certain I won’t remember any of this in the right order, but Caesar’s dead, Antony is shock and before he can quite deal with that, Pompey’s son Quintus and some of his buddies try to take out Antony, too. Antony goes to Atia’s. Atia is preparing her family to leave Rome (actually, she’s having their servants do it) when Antony shows up and tells her he’s got to raise an army to avenge Caesar.

To Atia’s dismay, he insists on collecting Calpurnia, Caesar’s widow, and taking her with them. Calpurnia lets them in to pay their respects to Caesar. Caesar’s will is read and Octavian has been named Caesar’s son and heir. Antony has been left nothing. And he is not pleased. And Octavian comes up with a plan for not having to leave the city and winning the support of the people.

Meanwhile, over at Servillia’s Brutus is tortured by having helped kill Caesar, and Servillia is basically telling him to man up, that he did the right thing, etc. but Brutus is pretty distraught. Antony goes for a visit, lays out how they’re going to join together to honor Caesar at his funeral. And he kills Quintus on his way back to Atia’s.

Vorenus, grieving over Niobe’s loses his shit and curses his children Niboe’s sister, acting as though he’s about to kill his kids. And shortly after he stumbles away in his grief, gets robbed and left in an ally. Shortly after that, everyone’s favorite mobster, Erastes shows up and takes all the children.

Meanwhile, Pullo is busy proposing to Eriene, sheepishly apologizing for killing her fiancé and she inexplicably accepts. What the actual merciless fuck, Eriene?! They hear that Caesar’s dead, steal a horse and head back to Rome and find Vorenus unconscious in an alley. They clean him up and help him with Niobe’s funeral.

Caesar’s funeral is a giant-ass spectacle and Antony takes that opportunity to turn the crowd against Brutus and company, forcing them to leave Rome while he holds Servillia hostage.

Pullo and Vorenus finally find out what happened to the kids and they go to a bathhouse and cut down all of Erastes’ men and finally Erastes himself after he tells Vorenus that he raped the children, slit their necks, and threw them in the river. I think he was just looking for an easy death. But anyway, Vorenus takes Erastes head home with him.

And now, the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

I’m not sure I actually have a favorite part of this episode…there’s a lot of awful shit, here.

Okay, so I guess Erastes getting what was coming to him was my favorite part. And also Pullo taking care of Vorenus.

My least favorite part of the episode: 

Vorenus considering killing and cursing the kids. That was fucking awful.

Favorite costume:

This isn’t the best picture, but Servillia’s olive green dress with the embroidered leaves. WANT. Seriously, I would wear the hell out of that. (Sadly, this was the best pic I could find.)

 

Team Atia or Team Servillia, and why:

This week…I’m not sure. Though I was impressed that Servillia showed up at Calpurnia’s to pay her “respects” to Caesar.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

It’s a tie.

Guess Jess’s head canon:

Jess was all about Pullo taking tender, tender care of Vorenus and then going on a vengeance murder spree with him.

What made Jenny super happy?

Octavia embracing her rage.

Jess’ take on Passover.

Jen’s take on Passover.