Rome S02E09: Deus Impeditio Esuritori Nullus (No God Can Stop a Hungry Man) or The One Where Antony Looks Like a Washed Up Adam Ant

So, Marc Antony has settled in with Cleopatra, they’ve had a couple of kids together, he’s developed an impressive opium habit (as has Posca), he’s taken to wearing a lot of kohl, henna, and silks, and he’s busy impressing…intimidating…impressidating dignitaries from Rome by having a slave dress up in a deer skin and pretending to be a deer so he and Cleopatra can shoot at him. And Vorenus is clearly hating his time in Egypt, but since he’s loyal to a fault, he stays with Antony.

The Romans are there to negotiate for more grain because the people are starving. A&C agree to send it for triple the rate and some land, but I can’t remember which one. The negotiators agree. And then Antony says he wants Spain, too, in hopes of getting Octavian to declare war. The Roman’s can’t agree to that, so they leave empty handed.

Cleopatra’s oldest son, Caesarian, demands that Vorenus tell him about his father. And Vorenus complies, but it’s very clear that he’s telling the boy about Pullo (Caesarian’s actual father) as opposed to Caesar.

Pullo and Gaia are the picture of domestic bliss, well, as much domestic bliss as occurs in the Aventide, anyway. Particularly when you keep Memio in a cage in the dining room. (The guy who robbed the gold from the last episode.) Pullo has to calm the near-rioting, starving inhabitants and tells them they’ll get fed again tomorrow. He goes to Octavian for help, but Octavian doesn’t have food to spare, either.

He comes up with a plan to send Atia and Octavia to Antony in Egypt. He figures if Antony turns them away, Octavian can declare war with the full support of the Roman people (they’re very loyal to Antony, but that will change if Antony is seen to turn his back on Rome). Cleopatra wants to humiliate Atia, or, better yet, have her killed, but Antony refuses. He and Cleopatra end up having some pretty violent love/hate sex while Atia and Octavia wait outside the palace wilting in the hot sun. However, Jocasta comes out to see them, until Posca hurries her away.

Antony has Vorenus send Atia and Octavia back to Rome without seeing them and Jocasta and Posca decide to defect back to Rome and join them on their ship. Posca sneaks out Antony and Cleopatra’s last will and testament because proves treason against the Roman empire.

Octavian asks that Pullo come with him to fight Antony and asks him if it’ll be a problem since Vorenus is still loyal to Antony. Pullo says it won’t be. Octavian also drops the bomb that Caesarian (Pullo’s biological son) has to die, too.  Octavian has some very rough sex with his wife, Livia, but instead of slapping her around as we were led to expect, she’s the aggressor slapping and choking him. But he definitely seems to be enjoying it.

Back at Pullo’s, Memio has escaped the cage, he knocks out Pullo, and Gaia comes to his rescue, but Memio mortally wounds her before he’s killed. On her deathbed, Gaia confesses that she poisoned Eriene and killed her and the baby. Pullo chokes her to death and dumps her lifeless body in a pond.

And now, the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

I really liked Vorenus very sweetly telling Caesarian about his actual father. And I also enjoyed that he passed along Octavia’s message to Antony about being a coward.

 

My least favorite part of the episode: 

Pretty much the whole Gaia storyline.

Favorite costume:

There were a ton of great costumes in this episode. I also really liked Octavia’s even though I’m not a pink person. And also Jocasta’s. It was cute and and looked comfy. But this color combo is so stunning.

Team Atia or Team Servilia, and why:

Since Servillia is still dead, I guess Atia. But Servilla’s curse is still picking up speed.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

This week’s best tweet has to go to Lauren Billingsley (@Noisy_ninja)

Guess Jess’s head canon:

Well, Vorenus and Pullo had no scenes together this week, but I firmly believe that in her head they’re longing for each other.

What made Jenny super happy?

The fact that Octavian and Livia’s super slappy sexy times was in a red room ala the red room of pain in Fifty Shades of Awful Grey.       

 

Jess’ take on Deus Impeditio Esuritori Nullus (No God Can Stop a Hungry Man).

Jen’s take on Deus Impeditio Esuritori Nullus (No God Can Stop a Hungry Man).

Rome S02E07: Death Mask or The One Where Rome Seems Like a Terrible Place to Get Married

Things are getting even worse in Rome.

Octavian, Antony, and that other dude whose name I can never remember divide up the Roman Empire between them. And Antony accepts a giant gift (read: bribe) from Herod.

Posca, Caesar’s former slave is pissed when he doesn’t get a share, so he rats out Antony to Octavian who demands they share the money equally. Oh, and speaking of Posca, Atia marries off poor traumatized Jocasta to him.

Meanwhile, Servillia is deeply grieving the death of her son Brutus. She’s nearly inconsolable. She takes up position on her knees outside Atia’s house and while her servant sprinkles her with ashes, endlessly repeats, “Atia of the Julii, I call for justice.” Seriously, she’s out there for days doing this driving Atia utterly batshit, until Antony finally tells Atia that Servillia will likely go away after Atia responds to her and gives her some attention. So Atia and Octavia open the door to see that a crowd has gathered.

As soon as Atia acknowledges Servillia curses her to a life of abject misery for the rest of her days and then does this to seal the curse.

As soon as Servillia is dead, her servant pulls the blade out of her and follows suit leaving the crowd gasping and seemingly blaming against Atia.

And it’s apparently wedding season in Rome, because despite the bloodshed outside her door, Atia is planning her nuptials to Antony. Only…her son and ruler has other ideas. He marries off his sister, Octavia, to Antony instead. I think it was for multiple reasons. 1.) he figures Octavia will be easier to control than Atia. 2.) to get back at his mother for choosing/siding with Antony over him. 3.) It’s a better political union as far as the people of Rome are concerned. And maaaaaybe some oedipal issues on Octavian’s part? He was watching Antony and Atia having some pretty intense sex one night…

But anyway, Atia is furious and hurt. Octavia is horrified especially since she’s in love with Agrippa.

And she’s subjected to some pretty dismal consummation sex.

And to continue the sex theme, Vorena the Elder is carrying on with that super skeezy guy who’s an employee of one of the gang leaders Vorenus oversees on the Aventide. And it’s a setup, of course. The gang leader busts in on them while they’re in bed, and says that he owes it to Vorenus to tell him what his daughter is doing. She begs him not to tell and he says he’ll consider it if she helps him out. So basically, he’s setting her up to spy on her father. Spoiler alert: she’s not very good at it.

Then there’s the whole Pullo/Eriene/Gaia thing. Eriene’s turning Pullo down for sex because her people believe that once the baby starts moving, sex is bad for the baby.

Gaia and Eriene still hate each other and almost throw down in the marketplace and Eriene tells Pullo to beat Gaia. Pullo talks to Vorenus about it, and he agrees that Pullo should beat her.

So, Pullo goes to beat her and she taunts him and they end up having really rough kind of rapey sex. Gaia clearly wants him and has come on to him before, but his intent seems to be more about power and punishment. At least, initially. That scene is super fucked up. The very last scene is of Gaia buying some sort of herbal abortifacient and it’s clear it’s not for her.

And now, the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

Okay, so I’m a horrible person and despite the fuckedupness of that situation, the Gaia and Pullo scene was pretty damn hot.

My least favorite part of the episode: 

So. Damn. Many. See also: the above mentioned scene. Vorena the Elder with the skeezy guy. Octavia having to marry Antony.

Favorite costume:

There were a lot of great costumes in this episode, but I really like Eriene’s blue number – particularly with the fancy hair/scarf combo.

Team Atia or Team Servilia, and why:

Team Servilia! Way to get the last word.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

Guess Jess’s head canon:

 

My guess is that she thinks Pullo went to Vorenus for more than marital and slave advice.

What made Jenny super happy?

The thought of tormenting me. o.O

Jess’ take on Death Mask.

Jen’s take on Death Mask.

Rome S02E01: Passover or The One Where the Jarmada Continues Sailing on Stormy Slashy Seas

Welp, Season Two started with a bang and I feel fairly certain I won’t remember any of this in the right order, but Caesar’s dead, Antony is shock and before he can quite deal with that, Pompey’s son Quintus and some of his buddies try to take out Antony, too. Antony goes to Atia’s. Atia is preparing her family to leave Rome (actually, she’s having their servants do it) when Antony shows up and tells her he’s got to raise an army to avenge Caesar.

To Atia’s dismay, he insists on collecting Calpurnia, Caesar’s widow, and taking her with them. Calpurnia lets them in to pay their respects to Caesar. Caesar’s will is read and Octavian has been named Caesar’s son and heir. Antony has been left nothing. And he is not pleased. And Octavian comes up with a plan for not having to leave the city and winning the support of the people.

Meanwhile, over at Servillia’s Brutus is tortured by having helped kill Caesar, and Servillia is basically telling him to man up, that he did the right thing, etc. but Brutus is pretty distraught. Antony goes for a visit, lays out how they’re going to join together to honor Caesar at his funeral. And he kills Quintus on his way back to Atia’s.

Vorenus, grieving over Niobe’s loses his shit and curses his children Niboe’s sister, acting as though he’s about to kill his kids. And shortly after he stumbles away in his grief, gets robbed and left in an ally. Shortly after that, everyone’s favorite mobster, Erastes shows up and takes all the children.

Meanwhile, Pullo is busy proposing to Eriene, sheepishly apologizing for killing her fiancé and she inexplicably accepts. What the actual merciless fuck, Eriene?! They hear that Caesar’s dead, steal a horse and head back to Rome and find Vorenus unconscious in an alley. They clean him up and help him with Niobe’s funeral.

Caesar’s funeral is a giant-ass spectacle and Antony takes that opportunity to turn the crowd against Brutus and company, forcing them to leave Rome while he holds Servillia hostage.

Pullo and Vorenus finally find out what happened to the kids and they go to a bathhouse and cut down all of Erastes’ men and finally Erastes himself after he tells Vorenus that he raped the children, slit their necks, and threw them in the river. I think he was just looking for an easy death. But anyway, Vorenus takes Erastes head home with him.

And now, the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

I’m not sure I actually have a favorite part of this episode…there’s a lot of awful shit, here.

Okay, so I guess Erastes getting what was coming to him was my favorite part. And also Pullo taking care of Vorenus.

My least favorite part of the episode: 

Vorenus considering killing and cursing the kids. That was fucking awful.

Favorite costume:

This isn’t the best picture, but Servillia’s olive green dress with the embroidered leaves. WANT. Seriously, I would wear the hell out of that. (Sadly, this was the best pic I could find.)

 

Team Atia or Team Servillia, and why:

This week…I’m not sure. Though I was impressed that Servillia showed up at Calpurnia’s to pay her “respects” to Caesar.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

It’s a tie.

Guess Jess’s head canon:

Jess was all about Pullo taking tender, tender care of Vorenus and then going on a vengeance murder spree with him.

What made Jenny super happy?

Octavia embracing her rage.

Jess’ take on Passover.

Jen’s take on Passover.

Rome S01E08: Caesarion or The One Where I Have Flashbacks to Babysitting The Young Prince

Okay, so Caesar and the 13th head over to Alexandria to visit with King Ptolemy and his advisors, and as soon as I saw Ptolemy, I immediately stated having flashbacks to doing daycare, and the child I’ll call The Young Prince – actually, even his mother called him that in this bizarrely overindulgent sort of way. Ptolemy and The Young Prince had a lot of similarities: highly spoiled, few, if any consequences for their behavior, ruled their homes with tiny iron fists, and their parent/minister lived in paralyzing fear of them.

Imagine this kid with white-blond hair and pale green eyes and you have The Young Prince.

So anyway, Caesar shows up and is looking for Pompey. And there’s some discussion about grain and debts, and I’ll be honest, I was super distracted by this kid reminding me of TYP, so I didn’t really catch all that. BUT! I do know that they were trying to curry favor and brought out this little surprise for Caesar.

Caesar is furious and super unimpressed with his gift. They killed a Roman consul and he’s not having it. Ptolemy sasses him and he shuts that right now. He asks for the rest of the body only to be assured that it was given a proper funeral. (Caesar and I both think they were lying.) He storms out, leaving his servant to bring the head and they burn it properly. Ptolemy’s peeps also give up the guy who killed Pompey and he in turn gets his head cut off and mounted on a spike outside the walls.

Caesar also sends Pullo and Vorenus after Ptolemy’s sister/wife, Cleopatra, who’s being held in some kind of house arrest situation with a lot of pillows and  gilded things. However, assassins are also being sent on Ptolemy’s orders to take out Cleopatra, and Pullo and Vorenus cleverly follow them to the location and kill the assassins.

Cleopatra worries that if she can’t seduce Caesar, she’s dead. Then she realizes if she gives him a son which none of his three wives have managed, she’ll be in good standing. Realizing that she’s currently ovulating, she has her servant summon Vorenus. But, he won’t put out, since he’s not about to be commanded by a woman.

He storms out and sends Pullo in who’s only too happy to cooperate. When I say only too happy? I really mean it. I feel like Pullo will be that guy Cleopatra remembers for the rest of her life. He gets all the points for stamina, enthusiasm, strength and balance. Sadly, this was the only picture I could find.

As soon as they get back to Alexandria, she seductively greats Caesar then gets cleaned up to visit her little brother/husband in the throne room. Ptolemy looks like he’s going to piss himself. Cleopatra orders Ptolemy’s advisor’s killed and their heads join the other dude’s on the outer wall spikes.

Caesar and Cleopatra have sex and meanwhile we see Servillia and Octavia have some gauzy, soft focus sexy times and the scenes keep cutting back and forth between the two couples. Oh yeah, and while Caesar and Cleopatra are getting it on, an angry mob is gathering outside.

Back in Rome, Brutus and Cicero are hanging out in the empty senate house, and Cicero is basically saying that if Caesar doesn’t win in Alexandria, he doesn’t want to get stuck with Antony. Brutus reminds him that they swore an oath to Caesar and Antony, having overheard a good portion of the conversation, tells Cicero that if he keeps talking smack, Antony’s going to cut off Cicero’s hands and nail them to the senate door. As he’s leaving, he lets them know that Caesar was victorious.

About nine-ish months later, we’re back in Alexandria where we see Ptolemy floating facedown in the river and Caesar and Cleopatra who’s holding a cute, chubby baby (and who in no way looks like she recently gave birth) walk out into the courtyard to show off the baby boy, Caesarion, to all the assembled troops. Everyone cheers, but no one cheers louder than Pullo since there’s a decent chance that kid is his.

And now…the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

Hmmmm…I really did enjoy Caesar dialing down Ptolemy’s arrogance quite a lot. And what wasn’t to enjoy about Pullo and Cleopatra’s sex scene.

My least favorite part of the episode:

Ptolemy floating facedown in the river. The kid was a little monster, but he probably didn’t deserve to die. Also the squelching noise of the heads getting put on spikes.

Favorite costume:

Gotta give it to Cleopatra’s simple white shift dress. And also this giant pillowcouchbedthing. I know it’s not technically a costume, but I really like it.

Team Atia or Team Servillia, and why:

Atia wasn’t in this week’s episode, so Servillia, by default. And also not by default because she’s showing Octavia genuine affection.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

Guess Jess’s head canon.

Pretty sure it’s Vorenus listening to Pullo and Cleopatra getting it on wishing it was him and Pullo.

 What made Jenny super happy?

 

Jess’ take on Caesarion. (Jess’ post will be late because of migrainey horribleness.)

Jen’s take on Caesarion.

Rome S01E07: Pharsalus or The One Where We Learn That Dead Bodies Can Make Great Floatation Devices

Vorenus and Pullo survive the storm that drowned most of the 13th Legion and end up on what basically amounts to a sandbar in the Aegean (I think, but I’m super bad at geography) Sea.

They’re both prepared to die (and Pullo is very sweetly pondering seeing his mother again in heaven) when Vorenus spots a bloated body washing in on the surf and he gets an awful idea. The centurion gets a wonderful awful idea. That wonderful awful idea is to make a raft out of dead soldiers and paddle to whatever land mass is the closest.

Meanwhile, Marc Antony and the scant few survivors of the 13th have made it to Caesar. Caesar’s troops are massively outnumbered by Pompey. Pompey wants to starve them out, but Cato the Whiner want to decimate Caesar and Pompey reluctantly goes to battle and gets utterly trounced by the side with nothing left to lose.

Brutus and Cicero defect and return to Caesar to throw themselves on his mercy. Caesar welcomes them back as old friends who’ve quarreled, but is disappointed that Pompey continues to stand against him.

Pompey, Cato the Whiner and that other dude, decide to take off for Africa, but they split up and travel separately, Pompey pretending to be a merchant and traveling with his family.

His children Vorenus and Pullo washed up on shore. And this dude Pompey hired to guide them and his family, offers Vorenus and Pullo water and food.

Pullo announces that he’s sure he’s seen Pompey before, Vorenus gives him the “shut the fuck up look” which Pullo ignores, and I immediately get this song from JCS stuck in my head for the rest of the episode.

Pompey denies it, of course, and Pullo eventually remembers who he is. The mercenary dude with the metal nose tries to talk Pullo and Vorenus into helping him take Pompey and his fam hostage for a reward from Caesar. Vorenus isn’t having his shit and runs his sword through the dude’s neck. Vorenus then announces that Pompey, his family and his guards are all prisoners of the 13th Legion. He eventually ends up taking pity on Pompey and lets him go while he and Pullo make their way back to Ceasar who’s crazy pissed that Vorenus took it upon himself to let Pompey go. Antony wants him punished and made an example of, but Caesar won’t do it because he doesn’t want to piss off whatever gods are protecting Pullo and Vorenus.

Meanwhile, back at Atia’s in Rome, she continues vying for her undisputed title of Mother of the Year by continuing to have Octavia do her bidding and checking in on Servillia to see how she’s getting on with her gift of the a large penis and the slave its attached to. And also, of course, to beg for guards for protection.

Octavia continues to regularly visit Servillia and in the course of comforting her when she hears that Pompey’s troops have been defeated, but the whereabouts of her son, Brutus are unknown, kisses Servillia and the two (presumably) have sex. (Good for them.).

Pompey and family eventually make it to Africa, and Pompey, while welcomed to shore by someone who’d served under him in an earlier war, is killed by that same person in front of his wife and small children.

Okay…the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

Pullo waxing poetic about finding his mother in the afterlife. That was actually incredibly sweet. Also, points for Octavia and Servillia having what seemed to be a fulfilling sexual experience.

My least favorite part of the episode:

Probably the raft made of dead bodies. That or Marc Antony being a pompous asshole.

Favorite costume:

The embroidery and beadwork on this is stunning. I also love the dress that goes with.

Team Atia or Team Servillia, and why:

Servillia wins it this week. Why? She’s a mom who actually cares about her child and also seems to genuinely care for others – like Octavia.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

Guess Jess’s head canon.

I think that Jess feels that Pullo was more than a little turned on by Vorenus’ show of force when he killed that guide dude and declared that Pompey and his entourage were all prisoners of the 13th Legion.

 What made Jenny super happy?

Octavia taking some me time for masturbation.

Jess’ take on Pharsalus.

Jen’s take on Pharsalus. 

 

Rome S01E06: Egeria or The One Where Atia Continues Her Run for Mother of the Year

So, Pompey and Caesar’s forces are fighting in Greece, Antony is holding down the fort in Rome and basically being his d-bag self and making what some consider to be questionable decisions. (I feel certain the naked slaves fighting with real weapons as part of his sexytimes games fall into that camp.)

Atia, in addition to her normal scheming, becomes absolutely obsessed with making a man out of Octavian. She threatens to burn all of his silly books if he doesn’t get laid, and Atia has our boy Titus take him to the best brothel in town to pick out a slave.

This…doesn’t go terribly well, but they fake it and carry on. Atia also thinks it would help Octavian to be a man if he joins Caesar and kills some people. (See? Best. Mom. Ever. Actually, now that I think on it, I’ve met the modern version of Atia. She’s the literal worst.)

Titus also continues to counsel Vorenus through his marital woes. Vorenus is cranky because Niobe won’t have sex with him while her sister is in the house – you know the one Niobe had an affair and a child with while thinking Vorenus was dead and claimed the kid belonged to her fourteen year old daughter? Yeah, that one. Anyway, her sister is there because her husband is missing and she’s grieving, etc.

Vorenus and Titus go get good and drunk and Vorenus continues to cry on Titus’ shoulder. Titus goes to far to hug Vorenus and call him “lamb” while Vorenus is sobbing over the state of his marriage, setting the sails on the Titus/Vorenus portion of the Jarmada.

Somewhere in all this, Atia sends Servilla a “sorry I ruined your and Caesar’s affair and made him choose between you and his wife” gift. And what gift says “sorry I ruined your and Caesar’s affair and made him choose between you and his wife”? Well, a gold and gem encrusted turtle shell and a naked slave with a huge and very decorated penis, of course. Because as Atia said, “A large penis is always welcome.” And, continuing her MotY run, she has Octavia deliver the gift.

Servilla isn’t pleased with the situation but stresses to Octavia that she still adores her. 

Titus convinces Niobe’s sister that her husband is dead, and the sister leaves and Vorenus is happy because he and Niobe are having sex again. Also having sex are Atia and Marc Antony. She’s of course trying to scheme her way into a higher, more stable position by attempting to convince Antony to marry her and declare himself King of Rome. This backfires. He calls her a harpy. She slaps him. He slaps her back. Afterward, he storms out and calls up all his troops to cross the sea and join Caesar in Greece.

Niobe and Vorenus are especially unhappy about this.

Actually, no one is happy about this. They’re even less happy while they’re crossing the storm tossed sea in wooden boats. And less happy still when Titus insults Triton and the storm worsens.

And now, the questions.

Okay…the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

Atia’s servant ready to straight up stab Marc Antony if he did anything else to Atia. Sadly, I can’t find a screen cap of this.

My least favorite part of the episode:

Realizing the slave Octavian picked to lose his virginity to looked a whoooooooole lot like his sister.

Favorite costume:

Probably this simple white dress of Octavia’s. It looks super comfy. I’d wear it.

Team Atia or Team Servillia, and why:

Atia was being her motherly worst this episode. Even more so than usual, it seems. And Servilla was spectacularly regal. I really loved her reassuring Octavia that she was still welcome and that Servilla still cared about her. And even though Servilla is actively plotting Atia’s downfall, you get the feeling that what she’s said is true.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

 

Guess Jess’s head canon.

When Vorenus got drunk with Titus and Titus called him “lamb”. I think that really put the wind in the Jarmada’s sails. So to speak.

What made Jenny super happy?

Jess’ take on Egeria.

Jen’s take on Egeria. 

 

Rome Watch Along Update

Hey Everyone,

Tonight was supposed to be our last Rome watch along episode of the year, but Jen has had a death in her family, and won’t be able to join us. So we decided that instead of watching without her, we’d just wait for episode 6 until we start up again in January.

We’ll see you on January 4th with S01E06: Egeria.

 

 

Rome S01E05: The Ram Has Touched the Wall or The One Where We Learn Servilla is Not to be Fucked With

There’s a lot going on in this episode, but I’m going to do my best to sum up.

Basically, Atia is continuing to be the schemeiest person who ever schemed and is wildly disappointed when she discovered that her teenaged son hadn’t  had sex with Caesar in the closet. She then sets him up with sword fighting lessons with Pullo.

She’s also super pissy because Caesar is spending more time with his mistress, Servilla, than he is with Atia. So she gets Servilla back by hiring someone to paint x-rated graffiti of Caesar and Servilla getting it on. Unfortunately, Caesar and his wife become laughingstocks when they’re out and about and everyone has seen the pictures. Caesar breaks up with Servilla for political reasons, they fight and Caesar beats the shit out of her to make his point.

Vorenus loses all the slaves he ordered except for one little boy who’s in a cage stroking the hair of his dead mother.  Now, Vorenus has no money to do anything else. He asks the moneylender about borrowing more cash, but the moneylender convinces him to work for him instead. Vorenus quickly figures out he’s working for the mob. He ends up quitting and going back to Marc Antony and asking if the offer was still open and rejoins the army in order to support his family.

Pullo asks Octavian for advice about Vorenus and Niobe since he suspects Niobe is cheating on Vorenus. Together Pullo and Octavian kidnap Niobe’s brother-in-law and baby daddy, get him to confess by torturing him, and then they kill him.

Servilla curses both Caesar and Atia in epic fashion and Caesar goes after Pompey only to discover that they’ve all retreated across the sea – to Greece, I think.

Okay…the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

Servilla cursing Caesar and Atia. It was brilliant. And also well deserved.

My least favorite part of the episode:

The little boy stroking the hair and face of his dead mother. That was awful.

Favorite costume:

Team Atia or Team Servillia, and why:

Usually, I’m all about Atia, but holy shit, Servilla brought her A game in this episode. Her cursing of Caesar and Atia was nothing short of glorious.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

 

Guess Jess’s head canon.

When Vorenus went to Marc Antony to beg for his job back. In Jess’ head, he had to work a lot harder.

 

What made Jenny super happy?

The fact that the title of the show showed up in dialogue. She seriously loves when that happens in a show or a book. It makes her super happy, and I think it’s adorable. See?

Jess’ take onThe Ram Has Touched the Wall

Jen’s take on The Ram Has Touched the Wall (Actually, Jen won’t have a post this week due to unavoidable circumstances.)

 

Rome S01E04: Stealing from Saturn or The One Where James Purefoy is Gloriously Naked

Okay, so you know that title that mentions Naked James Purefoy? Well…there’s literally Naked James Purefoy. Be advised as you scroll. 

So,  the treasury gold is still missing, everyone’s pissy at Pompey for leaving the city. Pompey’s son, Quintus the Douchebag is sent off to torture the location of the gold out of whoever it seems like a good idea to torture for info. I’m a little foggy on how that gets decided.

Caesar’s back in Rome and implements marshall law, and Atia, ever the good niece and social climber has a party for him and his supporters. But she gets super pouty about Servilla being invited.

Vorenus, having left the army, is looking to start up a home business of truffles, wine and slaves…like you do. And he makes some offerings and decides to have a feast to entice people to do business with him. While the feast is being prepared, Marc Antony summons Vorenus to try to talk him into returning to the army. I can’t remember exactly why because James Purefoy was super naked in that scene. Like really naked. Full frontal and everything.

Unfortunately, Niobe’s sister shows up with her husband, gets drunk off her ass, basically threatens to spill the secret of Niobe’s love child. Meanwhile, the baby’s crying to be nursed, the sister’s behavior gets worse and Niobe tells her former lover to get his sister out of there. Unfortunately, the sister and BIL have a bit of an altercation and knock over the the shrine to whichever god is down with slave trade, truffles and wine. After a collective gasp, the feast has become a disaster zone and everyone leaves.

Meanwhile. Atia’s party is going in full swing and she tries to get her children to perform like puppets for the guests but they’re not interested. Caesar gets his bribe on and promises a temple dude a bunch of cash to make sure the gods bless his endeavors.

Back at Vorenuns’ place, he and Niobe are cleaning up the mess and lamenting the loss of his business before it even starts when Pompey’s douchebag son Quintus shows up and starts roughing up Vorenus and Niobe about the location of the gold.

Happily, Titus Pullo and his new girlfriend, Eriene show up in a litter, tossing coins to the townsfolk. He wanders into Vorenus’ courtyard, not quite grasping what’s happening, but when he does, he tosses a bag of gold coins into the air sending everyone into a frenzy, and he and Vorenus subdue the douchebag.

Vorenus convinces Titus to deliver Quintus to Caesar and Caesar convinces Titus to tell him where Pompey’s treasury is. Pullo is rewarded with some gold, Quintus is returned to Pompey with an offer of a truce, Caesar has an epileptic seizure while he’s talking with Octavian, Atia’s son and Octavian is sworn to secrecy. After Caesar recovers, he sends his wife home and heads off to Servilla’s to continue their affair.

The truce gets rejected and Pullo wanders back to Vorenus’ place and bumbles into the middle of an intense conversation between Niobe and her BIL. In typical Pullo fashion, he sits down and prevents that conversation from continuing.

Okay…the questions.

My favorite part of the episode:

I feel like my favorite part is going to be everyone’s favorite part. And that, my friends, would be a gloriously naked James Purefoy.

My least favorite part of the episode:

Quintus the douchebag.

Favorite costume:

Is it wrong if I say Naked James Purefoy? Because it’s totally Naked James Purefoy.

 

Team Atia or Team Servillia, and why:

At this point, I’m still firmly on the side of Team Atia. She’s just so delightfully horrid.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

Guess Jess’s head canon.

I shall illustrate with tweets.

What made Jenny super happy?

Jess’ take on Stealing from Saturn

Jen’s take on Stealing from Saturn

 

ROME S01E02: How Titus Pullo Brought Down the Republic or The Shitstorm of Bad Choices Made By Nearly Every Character in This Episode

Okay, so our guy Caesar sends Marc Antony who’s now the Tribune…or maybe it’s the Tribute…(either way, he’s not volunteering to save his sister or anyone else, he’s in this for himself, and you know, Caesar) to Rome. As Tribune/Tribute, he now has veto power in the senate.

A pile of Roman centurions accompany him including Vorenus, Titus, and Octavian along with some shepherdess raping asshole.  Vorenus and Titus accompany Octavian back to his mother, Atia, who hugs him and basically says, “Never let us speak of this horrible, terrible trauma that befell you. Let’s just go ahead and pretend it never happened.”

She disdainfully dismisses Vorenus and Titus, but Octavian insists they dine with the family as equals having saved his life and all that. During the meal, you can watch Atia clearly calculate how she can best make use of them and we learn that Vorenus and Titus have completely different religious/political philosophies. Basically, if Caesar gets uppity and challenges Catonian law that leaves nobles with all the power by marching on Rome, Vorenus is out. However, Titus is totally in to return the power to the people. Finally, Vorenus finally begs off to go see his wife that he hasn’t seen in eight years. And Titus, he’s going to go get laid, drink heavily and gamble.

When Vorenus finds his wife, Niobe, she’s in the market holding an infant. He demands to know whose baby she’s holding and calls her a whore. Now, up until this point, I’d really liked that he’d been faithful to his wife even though he hadn’t seen her for 8 years. I thought that was a guy who really loved his wife. But then, he immediately starts with complete asshole behavior.

Also, Niobe was told that he was dead. She’d even stopped receiving his pay, so c’mon, what is she supposed to think. So his demands to know whose baby she’s holding and she tells him it’s his grandson, and he’s all horrified and she points out that their daughter is 14. Dude, you’ve been gone for 8 years. (I mean, yeah, 14 is young, but ancient Rome and all that.)

Vorenus dumps out a bag full of money and gems and cocks from statues and basically says, “Sucks that you and the girls were living in abject poverty, but here, now there’s money and you can get a lot for these cocks.”

Marc Antony goes and has loud screamy sex with Atia where her children can hear. Octavia is especially annoyed because she wanted to get back together with the husband Atia made her divorce in the last episode, but Atia said nope and sent him away.

Meanwhile, Titus goes and finds himself a prostitute and takes care of his most pressing need. Then, he gets good and drunk and loses all his money gambling, and realizes that the guy he’d been playing had been cheating him with weighted dice. So, he does what any hot-headed centurion would do and stabs the guy through the throat.  The guy’s partner/dad/someone is devastated and an insta-brawl ensues. Everyone is fighting and dying and the whole place is on fire. Titus gets injured and makes his way back to Vorenus’ house.

Niobe doesn’t want Titus in there because she doesn’t want someone dying in her house and Vorenus hollers at her to get a doctor. Titus looks like he’s possibly having a seizure from a head injury, but I’m pretty sure that the doctor feels he’s purging a malignancy. (I’m not exactly sure here since this is when my cat decided to stand up and paw at the TV.) Vorenus helps hold down Titus while a doctor augurs into his skull and my husband cringes on the couch. (The cat politely moved so hubs could see that part.) Titus calms down then passes out and spends some time sleeping off ancient amateur brain surgery at Vorenus’ place.

Niobe and Vorenus have a fight while she’s cleaning up all the blood and she’s pissed because he’s leaving her with the mess and the injured Titus to care for and they argue and Niobe yells Jen’s favorite line as Vorenus is leaving. Vorenus hunts down the father of his grandson publicly humiliates his daughter and the father, then gives them permission to marry.

At the Senate, Pompey and Cato and other plotters declare Caesar a public enemy and they want him relieved of his command. A brawl, only slightly less violent than Titus’ brawl breaks out and no one hears Marc Antony veto and the session is never adjourned so the session has to be finished the next day.

That evening at some kind of dinner party thing, where Atia is entertaining Marc Antony, Atia bitches at Octavia to lighten up and basically be more entertaining to their guest. This is a mistake. Octavia is still pissed as hell that her mother not only sent her husband away, but that she had to listen to her mother have loud, obnoxious sex. So, Octavia asks Marc Antony how much he hates listening to her mother scream. Then, she delightfully imitates Atia in the throes of an orgasm.

The next day, it’s time to go back to the Senate. Marc Antony is worried about his safety, so he has all the Roman soldiers he brought with him escort him. Titus and Vorenus are flanking Marc Antony. Remember the partner/dad/someone of the guy who was cheating Titus at dice? He launches himself at Titus who quickly takes him out, but first blood has been shed, and everyone thinks that dude was after Marc Antony. Everyone but Titus and Vorenus.

It turns into a free for all, and Vorenus is injured, but Titus rescues him and they all ride back to Caesar. Caesar gets the scoop then goes out and gives a particularly moving speech and everyone agrees that marching on Rome is the thing to do and Titus is hailed a hero, and when Vorenus wakes up he’s furious to discover that he’s now going against his political and religious ideals.

Oh yeah, and remember Niobe? Vorenus’ wife? The last shot of the episode is her nursing the baby. (That Vorenus didn’t realize she was lactating while they were having sex is stupid.)

On to the questions.

 

My favorite part of the episode:

Definitely Octavia loudly and publicly imitating her mother’s orgasms.

My least favorite part of the episode:

I really disliked what a bag of dicks Vorenus was to Niobe and his kids. Yeah, I know he’s probably got some issues, but c’mon. Quit being an asshole. I expected more from you than that.

Favorite costume or hairstyle:

Niobe has the hair I’ve always wanted.

 

Team Atia or Team Servillia, and why:

There wasn’t any Servillia in this episode, but Atia was spectacularly and delightfully awful as a human being.

Favorite watch-a-long tweet (obviously used with permission):

 

 

Guess Jess’s head canon.

See above. Vorenus insisting on a doctor to save Titus’ life and Titus saving Vorenus in battle? All hands are now on deck of this ship, and Admiral Jarman has not only added to her Jarmada, but she’s also set sail.

What made Jenny super happy?

Niobe bitching at Vorenus. Let me show you…

Jess’ take on S01E02

Jen’s take on S01E02