The List (yeah, that one)

First off, before I jump into the post, I want to introduce you to our newest and final member of our blogging team: Deelylah Mullin. She’s an author, editor, and all around nifty person. I think you’ll like her, too!

Now, on to the post.

Remember that episode of Friends where they all had a “freebie” list of five celebrities they could sleep with without it being considered cheating by their significant others? Welp, we decided to make our own lists.

As it turns out, this is harder than I would have expected. I mean, there are metric fuckton of attractive humans out there. Well, attractive and talented. And intelligent. There’s something about that combo that just works for me. Add in funny, and it’s all over.

Now, these are in no particular order, because unlike some people, *gives Jess Jarman the side-eye* I don’t play favorites.

Aidan Turner


Colin Morgan

Eoin Macken

Hugh Dancy


Nope. I don’t have a type. I have no idea what you people  are talking about. Seriously. Move along. Off with you. Go see who the  other bloggers fancy.








The Professor’s Student is out now!

What’s hotter than sexy accents, BDSM, and a bit of rope? Not much.

I’m happy to report that The Professor’s Student, the third book in my and Jess Jarman’s Bound series is available now!

But before we get to the blurb and cover art and excerpt and stuff, I’d like you to meet my inspiration for this story – Irish actor, Colin Morgan.  It seems I might have a “type”.    But never mind that…on to the blurb. Or you know…we could stay here an look at these pictures a bit more.















Six weeks in Ireland on a Bronze Age archeological dig is exactly what Josie Cooper needs. She loves teaching, but fieldwork is where her heart is, and working with Professor Declan O’Shaughnessy is a dream come true…until she meets the man. Declan is brilliant, gorgeous, and unapologetically arrogant. By the end of the first week, Josie is ready to push him into the Atlantic.

Unfortunately, annoyance doesn’t stop her physical reaction to him. Nor does it stop the way every accidental touch makes her crave more. More of his hands on her skin. More of his lilting voice in her ear.

Knowing Josephine Cooper’s reputation in the archeology world, Declan is thrilled that she’d accepted his invitation to work the dig. However, he hadn’t counted on his overwhelming attraction to the American professor. Though he tries to maintain his distance and keep things professional between them, that plan goes to hell when he learns that Josephine returns his interest. And when an opportunity to act on that attraction, as well as explore her submission, presents itself, he jumps at it—taking complete control.

For the next five weeks, Josie agrees to submit to Declan. His instruction awakens needs she didn’t know she possessed, and she learns more about desire and herself than she would have thought possible. But what happens when their time is over, and Josie has to give up being his student to go back to being the professor again?


And check out my pretty new cover – it’s another gorgeous one by Kris Norris.

professor's student




Josie stared down at the remaining bit of metal in her palm and fought to keep from hyperventilating. Declan wanted her to put these little torture devices on her nipples. And wander around this pub without a bra.

“The loo is right back there,” he pointed out helpfully, a wicked smile curving his lips and excitement brightening his seawater-colored eyes.

“Okay.” She sighed.

“Okay…?” He was clearly waiting for something.

It clicked. “Okay, Professor.” She felt a little silly saying it, but a perverse thrill also shot through her veins as she did.

He nodded his approval, and she pushed her chair away from the table and walked back to the bathroom on trembling legs. She was really doing this. She was going to submit to Declan. She was going to let him do god knew what kinds of kinky things to her. And it was starting, right now.

Technically, she supposed it had started yesterday when she’d followed his directive not to masturbate. But now…now, it was far more real. And more than a little scary. But, for some reason, she trusted him. And she knew that, if she said her safeword, he’d stop.

Once inside the tiny, but surprisingly bright, bathroom, she ducked into an open stall and locked the door behind her. Pulling off her t-shirt and bra, she hung them on a hook. Then, she removed the clamp from the tip of her finger and nearly groaned as the blood rushed back to fill the neglected area. She glanced down at her chest, where her already hard nipples stood out in tight little buds—needy and aching.

Plucking and twisting one of them, she hardened it further before sliding the bars around the distended flesh and tightening the pins. Her breath caught at the squeezing sensation, and she cranked the screws a little more. Before she could chicken out, she repeated the action on the other side, clamping the tender tip between the skin-warmed pieces of metal until it matched the tight grip on the other side.

Breathing deeply, she slumped against the wall, the steel cold against her back, and tried to calm her body’s rioting responses. Her nipples throbbed, but the pain only ramped her desire for Declan higher. And her pussy flooded with moisture. If she’d been wearing panties, they’d be completely drenched. She was sure of it.

She wrapped her fingers around her shirt, but let go just as quickly. She had to know what it felt like. Declan said she couldn’t make herself come. He hadn’t said anything about touching herself while attaching the clamps. After all, she reasoned, she needed to make sure they were secure. That they wouldn’t fall off when she put her shirt back on. Holding her breath, she brushed her fingertips over her aching flesh and nearly groaned. They were more sensitive than they’d ever been. It was as if all her nerve endings were on high alert, and they were all focused on her nipples. She couldn’t help herself, she did it again. And again. Each brush of her fingertips created an answering tug in her cunt. She pinched the throbbing tips, and her pussy clenched tight. She had to force herself to stop, or she was going orgasm right there in that tiny bathroom.

She yanked her shirt off the hook and over her head, her breath hissing out when the fabric coasted over her swollen nipples. The normally soft cotton felt as if it was scraping against her skin. Balling up her bra in her hand, because she hadn’t thought to bring her purse into the bathroom with her, she stepped out of the stall and surveyed herself in the mirror.

Her nipples thrust noticeably against the knit fabric of her white, scoop-neck t-shirt. She yanked the fabric flush against her torso. The clamps were apparent when she did that, but they were pretty much undetectable when her top hung normally. It was painfully clear that she was aroused, but at least her reward wasn’t visible. She tugged her shirt down a little farther, exposing more of her cleavage. If the professor wanted to play, she’d give as good as she got.

Holding her head high, and thrusting out her chest a little more than was strictly necessary, she walked slowly back to their table. She kept her gaze on Declan and ignored both the subtle and obvious stares as she made her way through the crowd gathered near the bar.

As she sat down and shoved her bra into her purse, Declan’s eyes dropped to her chest then slowly climbed back up to hers. “I was beginning to think I should send in a search party after you.” His voice was suddenly rough with what she assumed was arousal. “Did you have any trouble?”

She held his gaze, but it was impossible to hide her smile, the pleasure she felt at toying with him. “Define trouble.”

He sat back and raised an eyebrow at her, crossing his arms over his chest. “Walk me through it.”

Leaning forward, she hissed as her nipples skimmed the tabletop. “I went into a stall, took off my shirt and bra, then I attached my reward.”

“And that’s it?”

“Well, I had to make sure they weren’t going to fall off,” she murmured, lowering her eyes and staring up at him through her lashes, wondering if she’d earned herself a mysterious punishment.

“And how did you do that?”

“I brushed my fingers across my nipples a few times. I didn’t want to risk losing them.”

“So, you were playing with your nipples?”

She nodded, stomach tightening nervously.

He leaned forward and drew a finger down along her breastbone. “And how did it feel?”

Her eyes closed at his roughly muttered question.

“So good,” she whispered. But, to her ears, it sounded like more of a groan.

“Show me.”

Her eyes flew open, and she stared at him. “What?”

“I said, show me.”

“In here?”

He shrugged as if unconcerned.

“I can’t do that now. There are people everywhere.”

“So, you’re ready to safeword, then?”

She knew a challenge when she heard one, and this one was unmistakable. “No.”


“No, Professor,” she murmured. Glancing around, she realized only one person was paying them any attention at all—just the bartender. And when would she ever see him again? Ignoring the man as best she could, she sat back in her chair and slowly skimmed her hands over her stomach, letting her fingers drift upward over the lower swell of her breasts until she reached her nipples. She brushed her fingertips over them a few times before pinching firmly, sucking in a harsh breath between her clenched teeth.

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph,” Declan breathed almost reverently. Or maybe it was irreverently given the reason for his declaration.



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Merlin Club: The Diamond of the Day (parts 1 and 2) or The Ones That Make Me Sob Uncontrollably Every Time I See Them


I can’t believe this is the last Merlin Club post. Seriously. How did that even happen!?

The two-part series finale opens with Morgana testing her Magic Hoovering Slug on some poor, but powerful, unsuspecting druid dude. Ones she proves that the man’s magic can be sucked clean out of him, she has someone sneak the Magic Hoovering Slug under Merlin’s bed while Merlin is out at the tavern with Arthur and the knights having eye sex playing dice. When he gets back, he trips and falls, doesn’t notice Gaius unconscious on the floor and stumbles to bed where the Magic Hoovering Slug hoovers his magic right out of him.

Morgana and Mordred’s forces attack and it’s not going well for Camelot. Merlin readies Arthur’s armor and stuff and Arthur is all kinds of impressed, until he finds out that Merlin isn’t coming with him. It’s clear that he’s hurt that Merlin would abandon him when he needs him most, but he hurts Merlin in return by calling him a coward.

Meanwhile, Gwaine hooks up with some woman who’s village was destroyed by Morgana’s army, and Gwaine is a big old blabbermouth and the woman is actually a spy for Morgana and reports back to her about Arthur’s plans.

Merlin, taking Gwaine for protection, goes to The Crystal Cave in an attempt to restore his magic. Gwaine’s scheming lover reports that to Morgana, too, and she ambushes Merlin in the cave and traps him with a magical rockfall. Merlin is crushed. His magic is gone, and he can’t get to Arthur to protect him.

Crystal Cave

Everyone has to flee the citadel, and things are pretty dicey. Arthur decides to make his last stand at Camlan. Morgana, of course, already knows and moves in for a sneak attack. Meanwhile, back at The Crystal Cave, Merlin’s dead father appears to him and Merlin is eventually healed and his magic restored and as Old!Merlin/Dragoon, he escapes the cave and rides (where the hell did the horse come from!?) hell bent for Camlan.

When he arrives, it’s chaos. Blood, death, kinda like the mosh pit at a Cancer Bats (Canadian death metal – I’m told their mosh pits are pretty brutal) concert. Merlin, using Dragoon’s staff (where the hell did that and the costume come from, anyway?) starts magically zapping Morgana’s warriors and evening things up for Camelot’s forces. Morgana gets knocked out here somewhere along the line.


Mordred is searching the battlefield for Arthur, eventually finds him and pretty unceremoniously stabs him in the gut. Arthur, though grievously wounded, stabs Mordred and kills him. Gwen and Gaius are treating the wounded. There’s no sign of Arthur, but it’s because Merlin has spirited him away to a secret hidey spot in the woods. He ends up confessing that he’s had magic all along and Arthur is furious and hurt and betrayed and a million other horrible feelings because the one person he trusted above all others lied to him during their entire relationship. And Merlin! He’s so crushed. From here on in, my heart is utterly broken.

dead mordred

So Arthur won’t speak to Merlin. Gaius eventually finds his way to Merlin and Arthur and tells Merlin that there’s nothing he can do for Arthur because a piece of Mordred’s enchanted blade busted off inside Arthur and is traveling towards his heart. The only chance Arthur has to survive is Sidhe magic. So Merlin has to take him to Avalon.

Arthur gives Gaius his ring – the royal seal – to give to Gwen just in case he doesn’t make it back. And he and Merlin set off for Avalon. Arthur grudgingly gets over his hurt and anger and I continue to cry at the unfairness of it all, because of course, I know what’s coming.

Everyone is back at Camelot and Gwen is upset and she’s also figured out that Merlin was the sorcerer and knows he has Arthur’s best interests at heart. Gwen, because she’s the best King of Camelot also figures out that Gwaine’s girlfriend is feeding Morgana info. She has the raven deliver Morgana misinformation about Merlin and Arthur’s whereabouts and then she hangs the woman in the courtyard because Gwen does *not* fuck around.

Gwaine and Percival take it upon themselves to hunt down Morgana since they know where she’ll be. And like dumbasses, they go alone. Morgana captures them both and tortures Gwaine until he gives up Arthur’s location. Percival comes to, hears Gwaine’s anguished screams then busts out of his ropes in time to talk to Gwaine as he’s dying and we see the true depths of their feelings for one another and it made me cry harder. Look at these gifs. LOOK AT THEM.

percival 1

percival 2

Percival gif

percival 4

percival 5

Morgana catches up to Arthur and Merlin, spooks their horses. Merlin and Morgana battle it out and Merlin eventually stabs her with Excalibur which kills her because it was a dragon-forged blade. And honestly, this killed me. I’ve said before that we wouldn’t have gotten to this place had Morgana not been gaslighted – or we still could have, but Gaius and Merlin would have been less culpable. And there’s something about the way Merlin sort of holds Morgana as she’s dying that breaks my heart. These gifs don’t show it, but the way he lowers her to the ground. *weep* And even though he did what he needed to do to save Arthur, it wasn’t like he was happy about it.





After that, Merlin tries to get Arthur moving again, and Arthur knows it’s too last and this goddamn scene happened, and yes, I might be crying while I’m typing this… Judge me all you want.


Merlin busts out his Dragon Lord voice and calls the dragon to fly them to Avalon. But it’s too late. Arthur dies and it’s one of the most gut-wrenching television series deaths ever. The first time I saw it, I must have cried off and on for a good forty-five minutes afterward. This time wasn’t much better.






Eventually, Merlin returns Excalibur to the lake, and the Lady of the Lake’s hand rises up from from the water and grabs the sword. We see Gwen very solemnly ascending the throne, and we know that she’ll be the best king Camelot ever had. Then Merlin loads Arthur into a boat and sends him off to Avalon. In the distance, we can see Glastonbury Tor. And as the shot zooms out, a modern truck whizzes past and we see Merlin walking along the road, past Avalon, actually old and still waiting for Arthur to rise. And my fucking heart breaks all over again.

Throwing Excalibur



Merlin Finale the Diamond of the day part 2 - 3

boat going to avalon



The questions!

Okay, that’s a lie. Before I get to the questions, I just want to say how much fun this has been. Every Monday night for the last year and a half, I’ve gotten to hang with two of my very best friends, Jess and Jen, and tear apart and squee over this show that we love so much despite many of the problematic issues.

But I also got to meet some fun, awesome, amazing people that I adore thanks to the wonders of Twitter and Merlin. Tamsin, Cat, Tayci, and Alice, it wouldn’t have been the same without you, and I’m so glad you found your way to the craziness that is Merlin Club. *HUGS YOU ALL REALLY TIGHT*

The questions for realz now.


1.)  If I’d written this episode… Okay, so this is more of an If I’d written this series sort of thing. I wouldn’t have had Gaius and Merlin by extension gaslight Morgana about her magical abilities. I would have better explained the drastic shift in Morgana’s personality, priorities and subsequent drop in overall intelligence. It’s fine that she ends up being the Big Bad, but for fuck’s sake, let’s motivate that a little better, maybe. Morgana’s character is actually my biggest complaint in the whole series. She had so much damn potential, and then the writers broke her and turned into the vindictive woman/crazy bitch archetype with no real explanation. Fuck you, Merlin writers. And yes, I think I could have done better.

2.) The thing I loved/hated most about this episode. OMG. Okay. These two episodes make me cry horrible, horrible tears every time I see them. The thing I loved best is Merlin and Arthur’s relationship. Merthur!Forever, aside, seeing the intensity of their friendship, the power that they have to hurt one another, be vulnerable to one another and to see the best in one another. Merlin’s pain at losing him. Oh fuck it here…just watch this and you’ll understand everything.

3.) Something you never noticed about this episode before. Why not call the dragon from the beginning to get Arthur to Avalon in time for the Sidhe to help him. Also…the Sidhe weren’t terribly fond of Camelot and Pendragons in particular, I know Merlin and Gaius were desperate, but wasn’t that kind of a big assumption?

4.) Favorite costume. Old man Merlin…even though it broke my damn heart.

Old_merlin modern

5.) Here is some proof of some random head canon I’ve created. I didn’t create it, but so much Merthur. And also some Perwaine.

6.) What Merthur moment did Jess have the naughtiest thoughts about? Naughtiest thoughts? All the eye sex in the tavern scene. But I promise you, that last scene up there? The video? GUTTED HER.

7.) What made Jen lose her shit  – in a good or bad way? In a good way when Gwen figured out that Merlin was the sorcerer. And when she was in the midst of the battle and the aftermath treating the injured, and putting the spy to death, and pretty much all things Gwen, really.

Here’s Jess‘ take on the episode,  and here’s Jen’s

Oh, and here. Because I’m a giver, and you can all suffer along with me.


Merlin Club: The Drawing of the Dark or The One Where it’s Too Little, Too Late


In this episode, Arthur and the knights stumble upon a bunch of dead people that were headed to Camelot. They’d been on their way to Camelot with a load of weapons and murdered. Mordred takes off after one of the people who’d killed the people and discovers it’s his childhood friend, Kara. She’s injured and he lets her go. Merlin catches him doing it, and Mordred convinces him to keep quiet. Mordred sneaks out later with medicine for Kara that he stole from Gaius’ chambers.

Later Arthur and Merlin go out looking for clues, I guess, and Arthur find Kara. Kara who’s a follower of Morgana, tries to kill Arthur and gets thrown in the dungeon for her trouble. There’s a bunch of instalove. Mordred pleads for her release, Arthur gives her a chance, she won’t repent, Mordred breaks her out of the dungeon, they get caught, Kara is hanged in the morning and upon her death Mordred rage-magics out of the dungeon and joins Morgana’s team – too little, too late in terms of a decently motivated reason to betray Arthur. He also tells Morgana the thing she’s wants to know more than anything. Emrys’ identity.

The questions!

1.)  If I’d written this episode…I would have had the story arc of Mordred falling in love with Kara last a fuck of a lot longer than one episode. It was rushed and stupid and the waste of what could have been spectacular tension and betrayal. Instead, I don’t buy it, and it pissed me off.

2.) The thing I loved/hated most about this episode. I hated the instalove and ridiculous of the whole thing. I also loved Merlin’s dawning realization that the train has left the track and there’s really no stopping it. I mean, it was awful, but I really felt for him.

3.) Something you never noticed about this episode before. Jen pointed this out, but Kara is pretty badass. She’s standing up for what she believes to be right, going so far as killing to do it, even if it means her inevitable death.

4.) Favorite costume. I’m giving this week’s to Kara’s plum and olive combo (two of my favorite colors) because I like the simple cut of the costume. And also the color combo.

Kara3 Kara and Mordred

5.) Here is some proof of some random head canon I’ve created. Nothing, this week.

6.) What Merthur moment did Jess have the naughtiest thoughts about? Arthur pushing Merlin to his knees.

7.) What made Jen lose her shit  – in a good or bad way? The utter inconsistency in Camelot’s death sentences.

Here’s Jess‘ take on the episode,  and here’s Jen’s

Merlin Club: The Kindness of Strangers or The One Where We Meet Merlin’s Biggest Fan, and It’s Not Jess


Okay, soooooo quick run down. Morgana captures the Catha aka Alator because he knows Emrys’ true identity and she’s gonna torture it out of him. Finna, a worshiper of the Old Region and also Merlin’s Biggest Fan, (I feel like she’d give Jarman a run for her money) finds Merlin and tells him Arthur is in danger and to meet her later that night and she’ll tell him all about it. (To be fair, I feel like this is a ploy Jarman would use, too.)

Merlin tells Gaius about Finna. Gaius thinks it’s a trap and warns Arthur that there’s a old magic lady (aka The Plot Lady thanks to Tamsin Frost) wandering around Camelot and perhaps Arthur should have her arrested. Finna sends a crow with a message to Altor where he’s being held and tortured by Morgana to assure him that she’s gonna warn Emrys.

Morgana’s flunkies find the message which Finna stupidly signed, she magically snaps Alator’s neck, and she and her minions set off to find Finna and torture Emrys’ identity from her. Meanwhile, Arthur has set the knights out to find Finna, and Merlin himself has gone to find her, too.

Merlin is wounded, Finna leads him to a conveniently placed tower in the dark woods and tells him to hide on the roof while she holds Morgana at bay. Before Morgana can capture her, Finna commits suicide to protect Merlin rather than risk revealing his identity, and Merlin calls for the Dragon to com rescue him and the dragon is uncharacteristically non-dickish.

The questions!

1.)  If I’d written this episode…Okay…what the hell!? Morgana can magically break someone’s neck? Please explain to me why she hasn’t utilized this damn skill, yet. WHY? Seriously, you want to rule Camelot so bad? Break your brother’s (and anyone else who gets in your way) neck, and be done with it. So, yes. Had I written this episode, I would have explained the fuck out of that, or I wouldn’t have had her do it in the first place. Because consistency is important.

2.) The thing I loved/hated most about this episode. I appreciate Plot Lady/Finna’s devotion to Merlin. The inconsistencies make me nuts as always. I liked that Morgana can magically break necks, I just think it needed to be better explained.

3.) Something you never noticed about this episode before. Plot lady’s terrifying eyebrows.

Plot Lady's Eyebrows

4.) Favorite costume. Plot Lady’s costume looks like something my mom would wear. I rather like that.

Plot Lady's costume

5.) Here is some proof of some random head canon I’ve created. Nothing, this week.

6.) What Merthur moment did Jess have the naughtiest thoughts about? The discussion of “rutting season”.

7.) What made Jen lose her shit  – in a good or bad way? Morgana’s sudden magical neck breaking skills.


Here’s Jess‘ take on the episode,  and here’s Jen’s

Please note: Jess’ blog has been experiencing a lot of technical difficulty this week. You may need to check back periodically for her post.



Merlin Club: With All My Heart or The One Where Gaius Again Shows His Willingness to Roofie Just About Anyone



The episode opens with Arthur learning that Gwen is betraying him with Morgana. Merlin and Gaius convince him that she’s under Morgana’s spell and Merlin does his aging spell and goes to the creepy old lady in the cave – the one with her eyes sewn shut – to find out how to break the spell. Gwen senses that something is wrong with Arthur and there’s some awkwardness.

When he returns to Camelot, Gaius prepares a roofie potion for Gwen, and they drug her and hide her in a wheelbarrow, covered with laundry. Mordred and Gwaine get super nosy and Morderd spots Gwen’s arm flop out from under the sheet.

Merlin and Gaius get her outside the castle walls and meet Arthur where he’s waiting with two horses. They ride toward the Cauldron of Arianrhod, but eventually, they’re forced to walk. Merlin falls down a cliff and Arthur has to go down to save him but gets trapped. Happily, Mordred was nosy and followed them and is able to help.

Unfortunately, Morgana, using Ailthusa, attacks and Merlin has to control Ailthusa with his Dragonlord voice and Mordred confronts Morgana. It doesn’t go well, but Morgana is knocked out.

Merlin uses an aging spell and disguises himself as an old sorceress and helps breaks the spell over Gwen.

The questions!

1.)  If I’d written this episode…That exchange with Gwaine and Mordred being so oddly nosy about what was in the wheelbarrow was strange. And awkward. I would have found a different way to clue Mordred in that Gwen was under the sheets.

2.) The thing I loved/hated most about this episode. I love when Merlin as the old crone refers to himself as “that gangly boy”. Also seriously love the voice Colin Morgan uses when talking to the woman whose eyes are sewn shut. Dear god, I love that voice…  I also adore scrunchy Arthur face.


3.) Something you never noticed about this episode before. @practicalstyl the ridiculously large amount of eggs competing with the fruit on the king’s breakfast table.

4.) Favorite costume. I rather fancy Morgana’s blue and black dress.


5.) Here is some proof of some random head canon I’ve created. Nothing, this week.

6.) What Merthur moment did Jess have the naughtiest thoughts about? I’m going with Arthur rushing to rescue Merlin after he fell of that cliff and got knocked out.

7.) What made Jen lose her shit  – in a good or bad way? Colin Morgan’s sexytimes voice.


Here’s Jess‘ take on the episode,  and here’s Jen’s




Merlin Club: The Hollow Queen or The One Where We Learn More of Jess’ Strangely Specific Fetishes



Gwen uses a young boy to lure Merlin away from Camelot while she sets up a Medieval style hit on Arthur. The boy leads Merlin deep into a forest and Morgana attacks Merlin and poisons him with a slow acting, torturous poison and then kicks him down into a ravine.

Meanwhile, Gwen is arranging Arthur’s murder with a visiting king whose name kinda sounds like Sauron, and he was also the one who held Morgana and Aithusa in a pit for two years. He’s planning to screw over Gwen and take Camelot for himself. Arthur is worried about Merlin because he’s been missing for so long and Gaius suggests sending out a search party, but Gwen quashes that with a lie about Merlin sneaking off to see a girl.

The boy who led Merlin to his doom feels way guilty and does his best to save him, mixing up a cure that Merlin rattles off to him. After Merlin is sufficiently recovered, he and the boy head back to Camelot to save the day, but they meet some brigands on the road and Merlin is all “I don’t have time for this shit” and magically throws them around.

He and the boy get back in time to prevent an assassin from shooting  Arthur with a crossbow, but the boy takes a knife to the chest and Merlin magically throws a spear at the assassin and kills him as the assassin’s shot goes wide and kills the king who’s name isn’t quite Sauron. Gwen has a terrible time hiding her disappointment that both her husband and Merlin are still alive.

Oh, and Jess’ Strangely Specific Fetishes featured in this episode: Merlin’s hands, forearms, purposeful stride, his “do-not-fuck-with-me expression”, Arthur’s use of the royal we.

The questions!

1.)  If I’d written this episode…I’m not sure that I’d really change much. But I have a screaming headache right now, soooooo this may not be the best time to to answer this question.

2.) The thing I loved/hated most about this episode. I loved how jealous Arthur was of the thought that Merlin was with a girl. Didn’t like how idiotic Arthur was being unable to dress himself.

3.) Something you never noticed about this episode before. @practicalstyl pointed this out, but why doesn’t  Arthur ever go to the tavern (or send someone to the tavern) to fetch Merlin?

4.) Favorite costume. I think Arthur and Gwen look particularly lovely in this scene.


5.) Here is some proof of some random head canon I’ve created. I didn’t create it, but all Merthur all the time.

6.) What Merthur moment did Jess have the naughtiest thoughts about? It has be Arthur being all jealous over the possibility of Merlin having a girlfriend. Also how pissy Merlin seems to be when Arthur is kissing Gwen.

7.) What made Jen lose her shit  – in a good or bad way? The British king in Persian style armor.


Here’s Jess‘ take on the episode,  and here’s Jen’s

Merlin Club: A Lesson in Vengeance or The One Where Gwen Gets Stabby (Literally)



Okay, so my life is spinning wildly and horribly out of control because of writing deadlines, editing deadlines, and life deadlines. You may be noticing a theme here. As a result of the seventh circle of hell that is now my life Merlin Club is gonna be super short this week.

Basically, Gwen is still under Morgana’s thrall due to an intense case of Magical Stockholm Syndrome™ and tries twice to murder Arthur and manages to frame Sam from Game of Thrones for the first attempt (then she straight up stabs him to keep him quiet) and frame Merlin for the second attempt. Merlin is thrown in jail, busts out of jail, saves Arthurs’s life, sneaks back into jail and is finally cleared. The End.


Okay, the questions…

1.)  If I’d written this episode… I would have make the evidence against Sam from Game of Thrones more damning than a spool of red thread. What? He’s the only person with red thread in all of Camelot!? I don’t think so, lazy writers.

2.) The thing I loved/hated most about this episode. I loved Emrys bitching out everyone. That was delightful.

3.) Something you never noticed about this episode before. How freaking obsequious Leon was toward Gwen when it looked like Arthur was going to die.

4.) Favorite costume. Gwen’s black cloak with the Kinsale style hood.

Gwen's Black cloak


5.) Here is some proof of some random head canon I’ve created. I didn’t create it, but I still really think that Morgana and Evil Gwen are getting it on.

6.) What Merthur moment did Jess have the naughtiest thoughts about? I don’t think she had naughty thoughts, but she was definitely moved but Merlin being terrified that he wasn’t going to be able to save Arthur.  (Actually, I  think pertinent body parts were moved when he said that spell in the almost Dragon Lord-y voice.) Oh, and I know she had naughty thoughts about Merlin waking up with his ass in the air.

Sadface MerlinMerlin Ass in Air

7.) What made Jen lose her shit  – in a good or bad way? In good way, she loved when Merlin, in his Emrys costume lets everyone in Camelot know what he really thinks of them.


Here’s Jess‘ take on the episode,  and here’s Jen’s

Merlin Club: The Dark Tower or The One Where Magical Stockholm Syndrome™ is a Thing and Morgana Has a Plan that Actually Works



Okay, so long story short, Morgana kidnaps Gwen from the middle of a bunch of knights while she and her brother, Elyan, were on their way home from a pilgrimage to their father’s grave. Leon and Percival get bitten by poison magical snakes and the knights return to Camelot sans their queen. Arthur is flipping out so they all go search for Gwen. Percival and Leon have recovered but now they’re having Twinsies Magical Poison Snake Dreams™ that give them a clue where Gwen is being held.

Grave Visit


Meanwhile, Gwen is suffering some intense Magical Stockholm Syndrome™ thanks to sleep deprivation, Morgana’s magic and everyone’s favorite drippy slimy mandrake root. Well, plural – there are hundreds of them in the room Gwen is locked in.

Gwen mandrake time mandrake times

Arthur, Merlin and the knights battle their way through a fairytale style forest and get lost, but Merlin gets them out thanks to some help from a bitchy fairy named Mab, who she warns him that someone from their group won’t make it back.


Desert in England

They eventually make their way out of the forest, then through the desert that somehow exists in England and to the Dark Tower. It’s all booby trapped Indiana Jones style, but Elyan, makes it through before anyone else and finds Gwen being held hostage by a magical sword that fights him without anyone holding it. He dies, Gwen grieves, Arthur and everyone else find her, they all go home to Camelot and late that night, Gwen sneaks out to meet Morgana in the woods outside the castle. Because thanks to Magical Stockholm Syndrome™, she’s evil, too.

Okay, the questions…

1.)  If I’d written this episode… I’d lose Mab in a heartbeat. I would have made the Dark Tower look less like it belonged in Middle Earth. Also, WTAF with the desert in England!?

2.) The thing I loved/hated most about this episode. I loved that Morgana actually had a decent plan that worked this time. Also, it was pretty evil. Good job, Morgana! I really disliked the inclusion of the fairy, Mab. Okay, I know what you’re thinking – “But Bron! What the fuck, man!? You love fairies.” It’s true, I do. But this feels like trying to quick cram in some more traditional Celtic mythos before the show ends. See also: Tristan and Isolde from last season.

3.) Something you never noticed about this episode before. I’m not really sure there was anything in this one.

4.) Favorite costume. Gwen’s nightgown – this isn’t a shot from this episode, but she wears it.

Gwen's nightgown

5.) Here is some proof of some random head canon I’ve created. I didn’t create it, but I really think that Morgana and Evil Gwen are getting it on.

6.) What Merthur moment did Jess have the naughtiest thoughts about? Arthur trusting Merlin when Merlin said he could get them out of the forest.

7.) What made Jen lose her shit  – in a good or bad way? In good way, I’m going with Morgana having an evil plan that actually worked and wasn’t easily thwarted before the end of the episode.

Here’s Jess‘ take on the episode,  and here’s Jen’s

Merlin Club: The Disir or The One Where Jess Had a Migraine/Flu and I Had to Pick Out All the Good Merlin Bits in Her Honor



The Disir are these three Old Religion priestesses who embody the Maiden, Mother and Crone aspects of the Goddess and they’ve found Arthur lacking and are judging him with the help of a druid who’s willing to sacrifice himself to deliver the message and an oversized novelty coin.


oversized novelty coin

Arthur doesn’t take it seriously at first, but Merlin convinces him he should, so Arthur, Merlin and the knights go off to to meet with the Disir to find out what’s up. They act like entitled assholes, the Disir are unimpressed, weapons are drawn and one of the throws a magical spear/walking stick/staff/drop spindles at Arthur and Mordred jumps in front of Arthur to save him. He’s mortally wounded (with magic) so they bring him back to Camelot in hopes that Gaius can save him.

Mordred wounded

Merlin’s just fine with letting the kid die because of the vision he’s seen about Mordred killing Arthur. Arthur decides that he needs to go back and apologize to the Disir in an attempt to save Mordred’s life and brings Merlin with him. The Disir offer him the choice between restoring magic to Camelot and following the Old Ways, himself, and thereby saving Mordred or not. They give him until the n the morning to choose, and he and Merlin talk all night and Arthur pretty much begs Merlin for help. Now, you’d think this would be the place where Merlin says, absolutely – bring back the magic. But he doesn’t. He tells Arthur that magic has no place in Camelot even though it kills him to say it. But he believes that if the Disir get their way and magic is restored, Mordred will live to kill Arthur. So, to protect his BFF, he denies the one thing he truly wants.

merlin and arthur 1

The next morning, Arthur and Merlin return to the Disir to tell them  he can’t do it, so they pass down their judgment and basically tell him he’s sealed his fate. Arthur and Merlin return to Camelot. Arthur is dejected and Merlin is depressed, but feeling like he’s made the only choice he could. As they ride into the courtyard, a completely healed Mordred races down the front steps, and Merlin knows he’s fucked up. The Disir’s judgment was to let Mordred live to kill Arthur.

Okay, the questions…

1.)  If I’d written this episode… Honestly, I’m not sure about this one.

2.) The thing I loved/hated most about this episode. I really, really loved seeing tangible evidence of Arthur’s growth as a king and a person. And I also loved his interactions with Merlin. I also loved how Gwen is s fabulously strong king – perhaps even better than Arthur.

3.) Something you never noticed about this episode before. How non-violent a Medieval hazing is.

4.) Favorite costume. Giving it to Gwen’s blueish-purple dress this week.

Gwen Blue dress

5.) Here is some proof of some random head canon I’ve created.I didn’t create it, but Merthur forever. Merlin is willing to let someone die because he thinks it’ll save Arthur.

6.) What Merthur moment did Jess have the naughtiest thoughts about? She got the major feels over Merlin putting aside what he wants more than anything to save the life of the person he loves more than anything. Also Arthur noticing that Merlin hasn’t smiled in three days – that’s a big old “awwwwww” moment.

7.) What made Jen lose her shit  – in a good or bad way? The continuing lack of explanation about what the new religion is.

Here’s Jess‘ take on the episode,  and here’s Jen’s